A little bit of home

Saturday, my cell phone rang. A number I didn't recognize from an area code I didn't know. It was my friend Sharon. Funny story- we'd been trying to get ahold of Sharon.

See, she recently got married (Oct) and now lives in Lexington, KY. For some reason, my email address that I had for her wasn't getting to her (no response back and she is VERY good about responding to emails), and the phone # I had was her cell phone # was disconnected (it was a Houston #). So I couldn't reach her. Late last week Mike and I realized that Lexington isn't really all that far away- and maybe we could visit. So we'd been trying to track her down.

She was calling me to see if we could get together on Monday. In Houston. See, she and her husband were headed that way and would be in town (back home) for a few days. Perfect time to catch up.

So, we figured we'd see if we could get together when they were headed back and we were (hopefully) going home. Well, we are still here. That didn't work out.

Mike, Mark and I were at Babies R Us tonight purchasing a snap-n-go stroller when my phone rang. It was Sharon. She and her husband were headed back and realized it wouldn't be all that far out of the way to stop by. Could they stop by in a few hours if it wasn't too late?

Ask any parent of a newborn, 1000 PM is not too late. We have a bit of a schedule, but we're still working on it. Our little guy goes to bed in his pack n play after his 11PM/midnight feeding.

So they stopped by. It was SO good to see them. We visited for quite a while, catching up on things. She and I used to have dinner at least three times a month. We've been friends for a long time, and I miss her since she moved. It had been about seven months. Mark charmed them (until he fell asleep in Daddy's arms). We had a wonderful time catching up. And we are planning on (hopefully) getting together sometime this next week, halfway between our locations. That could be fun.

When they left, I told Mike it was like a little bit of home had been here. Even though they no longer live back home, friends are like home. It was nice. I miss home, but it's worth it- everything is progressing nicely and we will be home soon.

First road trip

Our first road trip was wonderful. We found out that Mark is an excellent traveller. He pretty much slept the whole way there, or sat contently smiling away. We stopped once to feed him (actually I sat in the back feeding him while he was in his car seat and Mike continued driving).

When we got there, he charmed our friends. He loved to snuggle with Joy, and give her smiles and lots of love. Hopefully the baby luck will rub off on her and she'll get the call soon! Joy and I let Jeremy hold him for a little while, and even Daddy got to hold him a tiny bit. He was so comfortable in Joy's arms, he fell asleep.

Joy and I taught the guys about the finer art of changing a wet diaper in the back of a car. There weren't any changing tables, so we improvised. Joy and Jeremy gave Mark the cutest layette set- he's going to take a picture in it soon. It has sailboats and cars (Mommy and Daddy's favorites) as well as planes. Perfect for the kid who is going to travel quite a bit!

When we left, I sat in the back of the car to give him a bottle again. By the time we got to a gas station to fill up, he was finished. And he slept the whole way home. He was a perfect little boy.

That's great to know, for when we take our long road trip! (hopefully soon!)

Support

It's nice to find a group of friends who understand what you are going through, especially when your life or family building is a bit outside the "norm" of the "traditional" way of building a family.

I found this recently on an adoption related message board. I have my Lifetime specific yahoo group, and it's great. I also have been active on the adoption board on The Nest, and the adoption section of babies.ourlittleuniverse. All three of them are wonderful, and I'm enjoying the folks and friendships I have received from them, not to mention the wonderful information I have gained. And I would be wrong not to mention my blogging circle, and those who are going through the same experiences. They are wonderful!

I recently found another one, and it feels like home. It's been growing in leaps and bounds, which is wonderful to see. And the folks there are so sweet. It's the perfect mix with the others. I feel like between them I now have a group where I belong.

Often in the adoption community, there are message boards that are not quite as positive. Some are a fairly decent mix, and some are more negative. There really is something out there for everyone.

It's hard when you are trying to figure out where you belong. Who you can identify with, and who your true friends are, be them online or in real life. Through something like infertility or adoption into the mix, and it's even harder.

I am very fortunate in that I have wonderful "non-adoption" friends as well. We mesh really well, and all are smart enough to recognize that we bring differences into our friendships. Differences that make us all unique, yet all get along so well. We know that we can turn to each other for support. And it's those friends that I am thankful for, for keeping me "sane". That keep me from thinking about or focusing on adoption all the time. Yet I know they will be some of the most excited when we finally do get the call.

Some of my friends have kids. In fact, when we have little ones. we'll already have several "playgroups". Our kids already have lots of "aunts" and "uncles" and friends, they just don't know it yet!

As we grow through our experiences, our lives change. Friendships come and go, and you realize who your true friends are, who is there for the long run. You figure out who you can turn to for support, and who can turn to you for support. Those people, and family, are the most important part of life. And you need to do what is best for you, make the decisions that are right for you.

We want to thank our support system.

Thank you.

Friends and Family

Friends and family are so wonderful, and what really helps as you are going through the adoption period. Waiting can seem like it takes forever, and some days you just don't know what to do. Most times, it's easy to relax, and know that it's going to happen when it's going to happen. Having faith that everything happens for a reason, and w hen the timing is right really helps to keep us positive.

Things that friends and family do, to let them know they are thinking of you, mean more than they possibly can even know. A blog comment, a message board post, an email, lunch with friends (and their little ones - even when they are fussy!), a beautiful flower arrangement, getting to hold and play with little ones- y'all are so sweet to do this for us, and it means SO much to us to have your support. It's hard to even bring to words how much it means to us, and how y'all were so wonderful yesterday in particular, and our other days of waiting...

Our little ones are going to be well loved, not just by Mike and I as parents, but also by our wonderful network of support. They will have many aunts and uncles, be them traditional or honorary. And we can't wait to have y'all over to meet them.

Mike and I are already planning a big BBQ when our little one(s) arrive(s), we want to introduce him/her to all those who have touched our lives so much, and we want to thank those who have been so helpful, loving, and supportive to us as we've gone through this.

So stay tuned... someday the invite will be announced!

We're adopting, we don't have cooties...

I know sometimes it is difficult for others to understand what we are going through. They may not be sure how to handle us, what to do or say around us. What they don't realize is that it actually hurts more to not be included in things.

We're adopting- we don't have cooties.

Sometimes people are not sure how to act around us, or what to say to us (or any other couple or individual adopting). Just be yourself. Sometimes people are hesitant to talk about their kids, their experiences in parenting or pregnancy, etc. Please don't not talk about it. We want to know. We want to be included. It hurts more when we are not.

Just because our family is growing a bit differently than yours, or that our "pregnancy" is a bit longer than yours doesn't mean that we are any different than any other couple who are waiting to be parents. We love hearing about others, sharing accomplishments, moments, etc. We feel left out when we aren't told stories, aren't shown the pictures. We're just regular people, who care about people and want to know what is going on in their lives. That's what friends and family are for.

We know our time will come, and some day we will have children. We can't tell you when, we don't know. But sometime, someday, we will be parents too. But for now, don't be hesitant to share your joy, pictures, accomplishments, etc with us. It helps us learn, and gives us something to get excited about, knowing that someday we will get to have those experiences with our children.