A little sad

It's hard NOT to be a little sad during the holidays. We love spending time with family, and it really means a lot to us that we get to spend time with out nieces and nephews. Those "baby fixes" help a lot. But then they leave, and it's back to the holidays and gearing up for most likely another childless holiday season.

It was the most AMAZING feeling when we pulled up to Windy Hill on Thanksgiving day and got out of the car. Our niece came running across the grass and jumped up into our arms. What a wonderful feeling to have a child be so excited to see you. Then, she took our hands and led us to her big brother and the rest of the family. He was super excited to see us too.

We were fortunate enough to get to take our niece and nephew to see Santa on Friday. It was SO MUCH FUN. We were in the historic town of Greune, and the Santa was a real Texas type Santa. We got to wait in line with the kids, and be there when it was their turn to see Santa. Our niece was not as enthusiastic, but she did come around and sat on a hay bale next to Santa. Our nephew loved it because he got to sit on a real saddle (there was a saddle on a haystack next to Santa). While we were waiting for our name to be called our niece sat on my lap and watched Santa. We kept talking about going up to visit him, where she was going to sit, etc. She was really excited to see him.

After that we went back to Greune Hall to meet up with my parents and sister (her kids we were with). While we listened to the band play all the little kids there ran around, played on the back stage, and had fun. I watched my niece, and Mike played with our nephew. It was fun to follow after them and spend time with them.

They left yesterday, we stayed on for a few more days. While it's nice to enjoy the quiet, and sleeping in, there is still that little bit of your heart that is sad. Knowing someday it's going to be your little ones (and you will be missing those quiet times!), but for now, not so much. It's nice to fix dinner whenever you are hungry (we ate dinner at 830 tonight), go to sleep whenever you want (most likely we'll be up until midnight or so), and sleep in or take a nap whenever you want to. But there still is that little sadness. And sometimes you just need to excuse yourself so you can go be by yourself for a little cry.

As Mike says- bring it on, we're more than ready to be parents. I love that man, he is my rock, my strength, and our little one is going to be one lucky kid to have such an amazing father.

What to Expect While You Are Waiting To Adopt (some good info)

A friend on a message board I frequent shared this article with me. It's on iVillage, and is about the adoption process. More specifically what to expect while you are waiting to adopt. For someone who is starting to think about adoption, or someone who wants to know more about how an adoptive parent feels, it can be a really good article. A lot of it rings true for us, and it's a great way to share with others what we go and have gone through as we journey through this process to build our family. Here's the article, it's written by a woman who has children both biologically and through adoption:

WHAT TO EXPECT WHILE YOU ARE WAITING TO ADOPT

When I found out I was pregnant with my first child, I ran out to buy a beautiful journal. In it, I tracked the growth of my belly, doctor's visits, countdown to the due date, and of course the details of my labor and delivery.

When my husband and I began talking about having another child, I knew I wanted to keep another pregnancy journal. Our second child, however, did not come as planned. After secondary infertility and nearly seven years of trying to conceive we made the decision to adopt a baby. This "pregnancy" did not last nine months; it came without any what-to-expect guidelines. I was "expecting" all right, but certainly not in the conventional way. I could not relate to any of the available nine-month countdown journals. So, I decided to create my own.

Through my journaling and sharing with others in similar situations, I found that there are indeed somewhat predictable stages of an adoption pregnancy.


Stage One: Asking Yourself Questions
The first trimester, so to speak, of an adoption expectancy may take a few minutes or several years. Some men and women say that they always knew they would adopt; it was just a matter of when. I have also met couples who have been, and still are, thinking about adoption for 10 years. Still others, like my husband and me, make the decision easily to have a child and to try fertility treatments when unable to become pregnant. Pursuing adoption, however, was not as instantaneous for us.

My biggest fear throughout pregnancy with my first child was, Would I be a good mother? My biggest fear in my adoption expectancy was, Will I feel like this child's mother? Could I bond with a child not born to me? Would I treat my birth child differently, and would my adopted child grow up feeling injustice in our family? Worst of all, could I handle my emotions if and when my child wanted to meet the birth family? I feared my role as a mother would be short-lived.

Ask yourself what matters, a pregnancy or a child? Will I feel like less of a person if I cannot make a baby? Have I mourned the child we cannot conceive? Is adoption our last resort, or do we want it regardless of our ability to conceive?


Stage Two: Who Will This Child Be?
The second trimester of your expectancy resembles a physical pregnancy's: You imagine LIFE. You don't grow a belly, rather a mound of paperwork. You're through with doctors poking at your body, but social workers poke around your home. No more research into medical miracles; now it's finding how to build your family. You start to imagine what kind of parent you will be. You wonder, Who will this child be?

You are moving into unknown territory, and it is natural to be filled with questions, fears and even doubts. You will be judged if your home and marriage are fit for a child, if you will be a fit parent. You will be asked about your feelings on issues that you may never before have given a second thought. You might have no idea what race your child will be, or his heritage or what she might look like. You'll probably stare at every child on the street and wonder, Will mine look like that?

You might have nightmares about your baby being born with two heads, seven toes or polka dots. You'll have to come to terms with heart-wrenching questions like, Can I parent a disabled child? What about a baby born with AIDS? A birth defect? Of all the children born in this world, which will be mine to love and raise?

Somewhere out there a child waits for you. You have taken a huge step toward that child; now feel the movement in the universe that will connect you.


Stage Three: The Waiting Game
Try to think of this stage as your last hurrah to prepare for the moment when you will get that phone call, when the agency or attorney will match you, when the birth mother will go into labor. IT WILL HAPPEN.

Compose a letter to your waiting child during this time. If you have little ones, encourage them to write to their future sibling. Ask your parents also to write to their coming grandchild.

Welcome the child into your life and family before s/he arrives, just as you would if you carried her in your womb. Throw yourself a baby shower. Ready your home for your new bundle. Buy diapers, sprinkle baby powder around the room, wash some baby clothes with extra gentle soap. Do whatever it takes to make it feel real.


Stage Four: It's a Boy, a Girl, a Miracle!
No matter how ready you think you are, you're not ready for this. As many times as you have answered the telephone before the first ring ended, and thought, "This could be the call," it will be the time that you grab it running out the door when the voice on the other end breaks the news you've been waiting for. It will be the day that the mail sits on your counter for hours before you remember it when a picture or video of your child appears. Even if you are in the delivery room, watching the birth of your baby, once he or she is placed in your arms, your heart will skip a beat and you will wonder, "How did I get here?!"

How you got there is nothing short of a miracle. The miracle of childbirth. The miracle of adoption. And it will take your breath away.


Stage Five: Joyful Beginnings, Bittersweet Endings
After childbirth, many women go through postpartum blues. Though it may be hard to imagine feeling anything other than pure joy once your long-awaited adopted child is in your arms, don't be surprised when you shed tears the first few weeks. Hormones may not be causing the tears, but you will nonetheless feel mixed up.

The first time I saw my daughter, she was two days old, sleeping in a car seat, her two pink feet sticking out beneath a blanket. Sitting next to her, lovingly stroking those precious feet, was her birth mother. My heart went out not at first to this dear infant but to the incredibly courageous and loving woman who had just given birth. I was truly paralyzed for a moment at the magnitude of love surrounding the three of us, this adoption triad.

Don't be afraid to feel the loss and sadness for your child and the birth parents. Cry for joyful beginnings. And cry for bittersweet endings.

An adoption pregnancy is not obvious to everyone. Often without a due date, it is a pregnancy of the heart and soul. I hope that my book, Till There Was You: An Adoption Expectancy Journal, will inspire you to explore your own time of waiting that you will share one day with the child who grew in your heart.

--By Rebecca Lyn Gold

Unconditional love

Nothing melts your heart more than when a child shows you unconditional love. We've seen it quite a bit this weekend. It shows in her eyes as Mike changes her diaper. It's there in her smile when I walk in to the room to get her out of her crib from her nap. It's there as we sit at the table and eat a meal. And as she gives us a sneaky smile before trying to sneak a cookie.

So sweet.

Someday we'll see that unconditional love from our children too. How exciting.

They need more profiles!

We received an email tonight. They need 20 more profiles by Oct 22! Yay! So we're going to get them printed off asap and mailed out! How exciting!

15 months already

Yep, it's 15 months since being contracted out.

While realistically our profile has really only been shown about 13 months or so, either way- it's been a while. We're comfortable with it, but we are ready to move on to the next phase of our lives- parenthood.

Hopefully, someday in the near future!

Glad to be home

It's so nice to be home! I had a great time on the girls cruise, but am so glad to be home! Mike met me at the airport with carnations (my favorite flower!) and a kiss. I was so glad to see him :)

It was a great trip, all 4 of us are Lifetime adoptive families. Two had adopted already and it was nice to chat with them. We even got to meet one of the little babies :) We all meshed really well and had a wonderful time.

37

Growing up, I never thought that at 37 (hopefully!) I'd be a first time mom. I figured by now I'd have two or three (possibly even 4) kids. When my mom was my age, she had a 17 year old daughter, and 4 kids. I wanted to be like that too.

It's funny what life sends your way.

I wouldn't trade the path my life has taken, I am so very thankful that I met the man of my dreams, my soulmate. And I can't wait for him to be a daddy. While I wish we'd met when our paths most likely first crossed, we just weren't ready. But now we are, we have a solid family life, and it's time we became parents.

I am really looking forward to (hopefully!) becoming a mom at 37. It's going to be an exciting year.

More profiles almost done

Well, it took a little longer than expected, but we have more profiles to turn in. We are in the process of finishing them up, doing the binding tonight. We'll send them off for priority mail pick up tomorrow. They turned out nice (after a mess with one mass chain printer that couldn't do it right), but geez, profiles are expensive! This is fairly cheap, and it's $11.25 a profile! We've been quoted a lot more too. We're looking for somewhere cheaper to do it, we just haven't found one place that we've been satisfied with yet.

Anyway, they are very similar to our old profiles, just have a few pictures changes in them, and different ribbon. The colors, most of the words, and the basic set up are the same.

If you want to see one, let me know, we'd be happy to share!

Mike came home earlier this week

Mike came home earlier this week from work at his usual time. When he came into the office to kiss me, as he does every day, he had a list. Apparently, he'd had some time to think during the day, and work on a list of things we would need should we get the call soon.

He had it divided up into three columns. One was work. The other was house. The third was baby. And boy, did he put some thought into it.

The work one was mostly for him, and things that he might need to bring should we be delayed enough away from home and he'd need to log in some work hours. He also took into account my work, and had notes for things I would need to bring as well. It was a pretty extensive list.

The second was home. It included both things we would need to take (camera, clothes, nice outfits to wear before the judge, books, computer, paperwork, etc) as well as notes to call the lawyer, our home study coordinator, Lifetime, etc. He also included making sure Precious had enough food and water, and that we had someone reliable lined up to come stop in and visit with her while we were gone.

The last was baby. And with this he included things we would need, including diapers, clothing, age related toys, car seat, formula, etc. Everything we'd need to keep baby entertained while stuck in a hotel room for a few days or more.

It was so neat to see him do that, and put such thought into it. With his list, we'll have a fantastic start when we finally do get that call. He is such a sweetie, and will make a wonderful father.

Things you learn at baby showers

I was fortunate enough to cohost a baby shower for a good friend of mine yesterday. After a little scare (she went into preterm labor- but it was stopped) on Friday, she was more than ready to party on Sat. and celebrate her little one's upcoming arrival.

It was a lot of fun. There was a great mix of women there, and it was neat to see everyone, and how they reacted to different things. There was a good mix of non-moms (those not interested in being moms, or waiting to start trying), moms-in-waiting (those who are trying, pregnant, or waiting for the call), and moms (self explanatory). Plus 3 cute little ones ranging from less than 2 months to a toddler.

We played the game BabySmarts, and it was really interesting. It led to discussions on the various topics, and we all learned a little from it. Even if you just get the cards to read, it's worth it. There are four categories, Baby, Culture, Mom and Wild Card. And not only do they ask a question (typically true/false or multiple choice) and give the answer, but it also explains, going into further detail. Obviously some of the already moms were a bit more knoweldgeable in the subjects, but honestly, everyone learned something from it. It was fun to play.

The mom of the one month old pulled out a moby wrap when her little one was fussy, and just wanted to snuggle next to mom. At $39.95 and with protection from UV rays with the Rayoscan Process, it's a pretty neat thing. It's basically a long piece of cloth, and there are many different ways that you can wrap it around you, to snuggle baby in. It's a matter of finding the most comfortable fit for you and baby. You can even us it to carry baby on your back. It's very soft too. I am thinking of ordering one - It looks like it will come in handy.

One thing that the mom to be received was a changing pad, along with several changing pad covers. This led to a discussion as to how wonderful it is to have more than one cover - two at a minimum. And we totally agree- it makes a lot of sense, and it's necessary.

One of the things I gave the mom to be was a kozy pal cart cover. She is going to pick out the pattern she wants, and then I'll order it for her. I learned about this product several years ago, and have been giving it to friends and family since then. It's great! The covers not only fit in the carts, but also in most restuarnt high chairs. It does take a few weeks for them to come in (she goes by an order list). So I am probably going to go ahead and buy ours now. I love the turquoise chic stripe that I have pictured here.


Mom to be received a Diaper Champ. It's a diaper pail. Those really do come in handy. Mom to be mentioned that at another shower, someone said they didnt understand why she would regeister for a diaper pail, when a simple trash can with a foot pedal would work just as fine. That led to another fun discussion. Diaper pails are so handy now, and have so many features. They help eliminate smells, and overall make the room more pleasant. We are looking at the Graco Touch Free Pail ourselves. We actually could use one already- as right now, when we have a little one over and we change a diaper we just stick it in a gallon size zip lock bag and stick it in the trashcan. If the little one had a major diaper issue, this can sometimes stink up the pantry. I know many people who have used the Diaper Genie. Though I will say the new models out now are much easier to use than the older models from when my nephews were born.

Boudreaux's Butt Paste was also a popular, and very much discussed item. This product is awesome, and through the years I have found out through discussions with friends and family that it actually has many different uses for various rashes and ailments. It's also one of the best for baby's diaper rash.

One of the moms suggested to the mom to be that she invest in a few preemie outfits. Even if they are born on time, sometimes the newborn clothes swim on them. So it doesn't hurt to have a few preemie outfits just in case. Keep the tags on and you can always return them or give them to someone else.

A discussion on newborn diapers also took place, as the mom to be received Huggies Supreme Newborn Diapers and Pampers Swaddlers in size newborn. From the moms with experience, they all agreed that the Huggies newborn diapers were a bit smaller than the pampers newborn diapers. But that both were good. One of the moms insists though, that the Target brand of diapers is the absoulte best.

There were more things discussed, it was a lot of fun. It's neat to get together with women who are in various stages and interests in becoming (or not becoming) parents, and share thoughts and experiences.

I know that as our adoption progresses, I'm taking notes. And looking for things that will come in handy with out little one(s).

Another friend got matched today :)

Woohoo!

I am so excited for her. Her little girl is being induced APRIL 2nd. Wow, talk about fast :) That's fantastic news :)

So, three of my friends were matched in the last month, and all three are going to be mommies to little girls within a month and a half of each other. How fantastic is that?

I'm bouncing off the walls, I'm so excited for them!