Some days are harder than others

And tonight is one of those "harder" nights.

I've been doing pretty well. I've pretty much resigned myself to the fact that it's another holiday season and Christmas without a kid.

But sometimes I wonder, what is wrong with me? Why haven't we been deemed "fit" to parent? Why hasn't anyone decided that I will be a good mother? People tell me "oh, you will be a good mom", "your child will be lucky to have you" etc. All I want is to know what I need to do to change so someone will pick us. What is wrong with me?

I was at a party last night, and a friend asked "not to get too personal, but what is it that is taking so long? You should be parents by now". And at the cookie party Mike, with the kids -melted my heart. And I had a blast playing with them all- from my 5 year old nephew to my 1 year old niece- I even wore her in a Moby to show how it works. She loved it, it was so much fun. A couple times when she cried I was closest to her and picked her up and comforted her, with her snuggling against me.

A little while after the party I started crying. Why? What is it about us that people read our profile or website and say "no. they aren't it". Why? What is wrong with me? I love kids, was born to be a mom, and mike was born to be a dad. Why do people think we aren't it?

Ok, I'm crying again.

What is wrong with us? It's been over 17 months. Why aren't we good enough, what do we have to do to be good enough to be parents?

I'll feel better tomorrow. Things will be ok. Mike comforted me, reminded me that I am a good person, we are a great family. And we will someday be blessed with a little one. He tells me not to be so hard on myself. He's frustrated too, but he makes sure that I am ok, that I don't beat up on myself too much. He says it's a supply issue- there are just too many people like us who are waiting to adopt, and not enough children to adopt. Someday...

Well, it's just a low on the roller coaster. There will be a high eventually, it's just not today. We will be blessed some day. For now. we just smile and enjoy life the way it is.

I am looking forward to Christmas with Mike. He's going to be Santa for our nieces and nephews. They will enjoy it. And he has a good time playing the role too. Though he can't wait until it's our little one, and our child who is discovering the wonders of a visit from Santa. The first year we have a child and our child is able to understand who Santa is, Mike is NOT going to play Santa- he'll get to enjoy our little one as he or she has their first visit with Santa.

It'll happen some day.

Donate: Make a Difference in the Life of a Child

In celebration of National Adoption Awareness Month, Lifetime Adoption Foundation is offering special gifts for donations to the Lifetime Adoption Foundation.

For a gift of $35 or more, you can receive the For a Lifetime pendant. It's a pretty pendant that reminds us that adoption is for a lifetime. As they say, adoption provides a lifetime of love, support and the opportunity for a future.

For a donation of $50 or more, you can receive both the Fora a Lifetime necklace and an adoption mug. The mugs are custom made for Lifetime Adoption.

For a donation of $100 or more, both the mug and the necklace are sent along with the book AdoptingOnline.com - that is a great book that Mardie Caldwell (founder of Lifetime Adoption) wrote, and we found it to be very helpful when we were starting our adoption journey.

We obviously are big supporters of Lifetime Adoption Foundation. In fact, they are the primary organization that we donate to with our Worth The Wait Boutique. For this month, 10% of all profits are going to the Lifetime Adoption Foundation and the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. So far this month we have donated over $50! It's nice to be able to give back, and to help out where we can.

Lots of babies come home this week

Quite a few of my friends and people I know who are adopting are lucky enough to bring their little ones home this week.

My friend Tracy and her husband Adam brought home Charlotte from China last night. And as I type this my friend Chrissy and her husband Gary are at the airport waiting for their son Garyt to arrive from Guatemala. The plane just landed a few minutes ago, and they will meet their son for the first time.

Cheryl's daughter Aubrey arrived home from Korea on Tuesday. And Annie and Greg are enroute right now to Guatemala to pick up thier son William.

Such exciting news, and such a great thing to see families coming together.

Escape

So, this week was a bit of a tough one for us. Physically, mentally, we're ok. It's just the ups and downs of adoption. We both felt it, the feeling of, "is it ever going to happen?" and "why can't it just happen already?" Not to mention the "we want to adopt more than one, but at the rate we are going, what are the chances?"

Just some of the low parts of the roller coaster ride of emotions. We're already putting into place (my business) the start to plan for adopting #2. We're going to have to move fast once we get our first, and as soon as we are able to we'll go ahead and start the process for #2. We'll be very lucky if we get to adopt #3 (it was in our plans) at the rate we are going, it might be doubtful.

But, anyway, on to happy things!

We decided to escape to Windy Hill for the weekend. We needed the break. We do have internet up here now, which is nice. Right now, as I type this, we are both on our laptops, but the doors are open and we are listening to the river rush by. It's a beautiful evening. The whole day has been wonderful. We truly are blessed. After sleeping in and getting some much deserved rest, we sat out on the balcony all day and enjoyed the weather, the river going by, and watching the kayakers.

It's hard to believe it's November already! It was 80 something degrees today, and tonight we have the a/c on. It sure doesn't feel like late fall!

We have to head back tomorrow, but we are going to enjoy as much of the day as we can before we head back. It truly is a nice relaxing, and well deserved weekend for us.

Martian Child

There is a new movie coming out on Nov 2. It's called Martian Child. The website is: http://www.martianchild.com/.

It's interesting, not your usual adoption story, or your typical movie. It's basically about a widowed science fiction writer who forms an unlikely family with a close friend and a young boy he adopts that claims to be from mars. As the tag line says, "It doesn't matter where you come from, as long as you discover where you belong".

It is in theaters this Friday, Nov 2nd.

Oops, we forgot- 16 months already!

Well, you can certainly tell that we've been busy! 16 months came and went, and we forgot to post and to email in our monthly check in (that's next on the list!). It's hard to believe it's been 16 months since our contract was signed, that our journey is still going on.

The little one will come when the timing is right..... just hope the right time comes soon!

What to Expect While You Are Waiting To Adopt (some good info)

A friend on a message board I frequent shared this article with me. It's on iVillage, and is about the adoption process. More specifically what to expect while you are waiting to adopt. For someone who is starting to think about adoption, or someone who wants to know more about how an adoptive parent feels, it can be a really good article. A lot of it rings true for us, and it's a great way to share with others what we go and have gone through as we journey through this process to build our family. Here's the article, it's written by a woman who has children both biologically and through adoption:

WHAT TO EXPECT WHILE YOU ARE WAITING TO ADOPT

When I found out I was pregnant with my first child, I ran out to buy a beautiful journal. In it, I tracked the growth of my belly, doctor's visits, countdown to the due date, and of course the details of my labor and delivery.

When my husband and I began talking about having another child, I knew I wanted to keep another pregnancy journal. Our second child, however, did not come as planned. After secondary infertility and nearly seven years of trying to conceive we made the decision to adopt a baby. This "pregnancy" did not last nine months; it came without any what-to-expect guidelines. I was "expecting" all right, but certainly not in the conventional way. I could not relate to any of the available nine-month countdown journals. So, I decided to create my own.

Through my journaling and sharing with others in similar situations, I found that there are indeed somewhat predictable stages of an adoption pregnancy.


Stage One: Asking Yourself Questions
The first trimester, so to speak, of an adoption expectancy may take a few minutes or several years. Some men and women say that they always knew they would adopt; it was just a matter of when. I have also met couples who have been, and still are, thinking about adoption for 10 years. Still others, like my husband and me, make the decision easily to have a child and to try fertility treatments when unable to become pregnant. Pursuing adoption, however, was not as instantaneous for us.

My biggest fear throughout pregnancy with my first child was, Would I be a good mother? My biggest fear in my adoption expectancy was, Will I feel like this child's mother? Could I bond with a child not born to me? Would I treat my birth child differently, and would my adopted child grow up feeling injustice in our family? Worst of all, could I handle my emotions if and when my child wanted to meet the birth family? I feared my role as a mother would be short-lived.

Ask yourself what matters, a pregnancy or a child? Will I feel like less of a person if I cannot make a baby? Have I mourned the child we cannot conceive? Is adoption our last resort, or do we want it regardless of our ability to conceive?


Stage Two: Who Will This Child Be?
The second trimester of your expectancy resembles a physical pregnancy's: You imagine LIFE. You don't grow a belly, rather a mound of paperwork. You're through with doctors poking at your body, but social workers poke around your home. No more research into medical miracles; now it's finding how to build your family. You start to imagine what kind of parent you will be. You wonder, Who will this child be?

You are moving into unknown territory, and it is natural to be filled with questions, fears and even doubts. You will be judged if your home and marriage are fit for a child, if you will be a fit parent. You will be asked about your feelings on issues that you may never before have given a second thought. You might have no idea what race your child will be, or his heritage or what she might look like. You'll probably stare at every child on the street and wonder, Will mine look like that?

You might have nightmares about your baby being born with two heads, seven toes or polka dots. You'll have to come to terms with heart-wrenching questions like, Can I parent a disabled child? What about a baby born with AIDS? A birth defect? Of all the children born in this world, which will be mine to love and raise?

Somewhere out there a child waits for you. You have taken a huge step toward that child; now feel the movement in the universe that will connect you.


Stage Three: The Waiting Game
Try to think of this stage as your last hurrah to prepare for the moment when you will get that phone call, when the agency or attorney will match you, when the birth mother will go into labor. IT WILL HAPPEN.

Compose a letter to your waiting child during this time. If you have little ones, encourage them to write to their future sibling. Ask your parents also to write to their coming grandchild.

Welcome the child into your life and family before s/he arrives, just as you would if you carried her in your womb. Throw yourself a baby shower. Ready your home for your new bundle. Buy diapers, sprinkle baby powder around the room, wash some baby clothes with extra gentle soap. Do whatever it takes to make it feel real.


Stage Four: It's a Boy, a Girl, a Miracle!
No matter how ready you think you are, you're not ready for this. As many times as you have answered the telephone before the first ring ended, and thought, "This could be the call," it will be the time that you grab it running out the door when the voice on the other end breaks the news you've been waiting for. It will be the day that the mail sits on your counter for hours before you remember it when a picture or video of your child appears. Even if you are in the delivery room, watching the birth of your baby, once he or she is placed in your arms, your heart will skip a beat and you will wonder, "How did I get here?!"

How you got there is nothing short of a miracle. The miracle of childbirth. The miracle of adoption. And it will take your breath away.


Stage Five: Joyful Beginnings, Bittersweet Endings
After childbirth, many women go through postpartum blues. Though it may be hard to imagine feeling anything other than pure joy once your long-awaited adopted child is in your arms, don't be surprised when you shed tears the first few weeks. Hormones may not be causing the tears, but you will nonetheless feel mixed up.

The first time I saw my daughter, she was two days old, sleeping in a car seat, her two pink feet sticking out beneath a blanket. Sitting next to her, lovingly stroking those precious feet, was her birth mother. My heart went out not at first to this dear infant but to the incredibly courageous and loving woman who had just given birth. I was truly paralyzed for a moment at the magnitude of love surrounding the three of us, this adoption triad.

Don't be afraid to feel the loss and sadness for your child and the birth parents. Cry for joyful beginnings. And cry for bittersweet endings.

An adoption pregnancy is not obvious to everyone. Often without a due date, it is a pregnancy of the heart and soul. I hope that my book, Till There Was You: An Adoption Expectancy Journal, will inspire you to explore your own time of waiting that you will share one day with the child who grew in your heart.

--By Rebecca Lyn Gold

slow week full of emotions

This week has been a slow adoption week. But it's been full of emotions. All of a sudden, a few days ago, it hit. Sadness that nothing has happened yet. It's common to have it happen. Adoption is a roller coaster of emotions. Some days are better than others. You just roll with it and know that the positives are coming soon. Just about all adoptive parents go through this, every so often you wonder "what is wrong with us, why haven't we been chosen yet?"

But then we remember to have faith, and know that everything happens for a reason. Our little one(s) will be here when they are supposed to join our family. It's just a matter of waiting for the right time.

Nothing new to report

Well, our profiles are being printed up (they will be done on Friday!), and that's about it. Nothing new to report. We're keeping busy trying to enjoy our "quiet" time while we have it. But that is about it. Thank goodness we have start up businesses and work to keep us busy. It helps.

They need more profiles!

We received an email tonight. They need 20 more profiles by Oct 22! Yay! So we're going to get them printed off asap and mailed out! How exciting!

Adoption prayer

A friend on a message board I am on shared this prayer with me. Yesterday was Respect Life Sunday at her church, and they had this prayer to share. I thought it was beautiful and wanted to share it.

Prayer to Conceive or Adopt

Lord God, my desire for a child grows stronger every day.
Cradle me in your love and calm all my anxieties.
I look to you for insight to make the dream of parenthood a reality.
Stir in my heart the desire to follow your will in all my decisions.

Give me courage to trust your guiding presence.
Deepen my faith in your plan for our family.
Shine your divine mercy and compassion upon me.
Amen

Call Intercept

The positives and negatives of caller ID. It's great, because you can tell you is calling you. Unfortunately, some of those calls show up as "call intercept", not telling you who they are. You have to pick up the phone and it tells you who it is.

Lifetime comes up as call intercept. So every time we get a call intercept, a quick fleeting thought goes through my mind that "this could be it!" It happened again today, around 1045 AM. The phone rang. I checked the caller ID, and it said "call intercept". But no. It was just a recorded message from the post office, with an offer of some business products and services they want me to try.

Why can't that call intercept be someone we want to talk to? Why can't it be Lifetime with the call that our baby is being born, come pick him/her up? Why must it be the post office?

Ah, well. Someday that call intercept WILL be Lifetime with the news of our little one to be. For now, we'll just keep looking at caller ID and hoping the call will come soon!

An Awesome Baby Book

I was in Barnes and Noble using up some birthday gift cards when I stumbled across this book in the adoption part of the parenting section. It's called My Family, My Journey: A Baby Book for Adoptive Families.

It is possibly the closest to the baby books that we had as children that we can find. We are estatic to have found it, and can't wait to use it.


We have Our Chosen Child, and it's a great book too. We look forward to filling it out along with My Family, My Journey.

Most baby books we have found either are related to 1. a pregnancy or 2. international adoption. Since we are adopting domestically, neither fits for us. We had thought about making a scrapbook, and not having a baby book, but we really wanted to just find a baby book too.

We love that it has pages for all the special "adoption related" moments, including "Why we chose to adopt", "How we found you", "people who helped us find you", "waiting", "matched" (when, how we found out, how we celebrated), "Our Journey to you" (it includes where you were, how we got to you and joyful memories- so it can be used internationally or domestically), "our very first meeting", "all about your name", and then traditional things about coming home, family, showers, introductions and celebrations, announcements, firsts and favorites, month by month the first year (height, weight and milestones), etc. It even has a page for "what we know about your birth family and where you came from". That is so cool!

We are looking forward to filling it out (hopefully sooner rather than later!)

A nibble is better than nothing

For our check in this month, we did get some interesting news. Nothing major, but a nibble is nice.

We are busy here with birth mothers, adoptive families, projects, etc. Your name has come up a few times this past month regarding birth mother and their potential adoption plan. I hope that we call you soon with a great situation.

That's the first time we've had THAT happen, the first time it's been reported to us that someone is looking at or considering us. So that was cool!

Still Sick

Well, we're feeling a tad better. Mike had to call out another day today. Wow, he hasn't been this sick in a long time. Mostly, it's just feeling weak. I'm off to do a Girl Scout workshop in a little bit, and he'll stay and sleep.

He should be fine tomorrow. If not, he's going to the doctor!

Nothing new on the adoption front. We are hoping to hear about our update today, but that's about it. I hope everyone is having a great week!

Support

It's nice to find a group of friends who understand what you are going through, especially when your life or family building is a bit outside the "norm" of the "traditional" way of building a family.

I found this recently on an adoption related message board. I have my Lifetime specific yahoo group, and it's great. I also have been active on the adoption board on The Nest, and the adoption section of babies.ourlittleuniverse. All three of them are wonderful, and I'm enjoying the folks and friendships I have received from them, not to mention the wonderful information I have gained. And I would be wrong not to mention my blogging circle, and those who are going through the same experiences. They are wonderful!

I recently found another one, and it feels like home. It's been growing in leaps and bounds, which is wonderful to see. And the folks there are so sweet. It's the perfect mix with the others. I feel like between them I now have a group where I belong.

Often in the adoption community, there are message boards that are not quite as positive. Some are a fairly decent mix, and some are more negative. There really is something out there for everyone.

It's hard when you are trying to figure out where you belong. Who you can identify with, and who your true friends are, be them online or in real life. Through something like infertility or adoption into the mix, and it's even harder.

I am very fortunate in that I have wonderful "non-adoption" friends as well. We mesh really well, and all are smart enough to recognize that we bring differences into our friendships. Differences that make us all unique, yet all get along so well. We know that we can turn to each other for support. And it's those friends that I am thankful for, for keeping me "sane". That keep me from thinking about or focusing on adoption all the time. Yet I know they will be some of the most excited when we finally do get the call.

Some of my friends have kids. In fact, when we have little ones. we'll already have several "playgroups". Our kids already have lots of "aunts" and "uncles" and friends, they just don't know it yet!

As we grow through our experiences, our lives change. Friendships come and go, and you realize who your true friends are, who is there for the long run. You figure out who you can turn to for support, and who can turn to you for support. Those people, and family, are the most important part of life. And you need to do what is best for you, make the decisions that are right for you.

We want to thank our support system.

Thank you.

And another quiet weekend

We've got nothing planned this weekend. Which is probably a good thing. We've got some work to do on the website, and a few things we can do around the house. And of course, it's football season! We'll be watching tons of football too =)

It's been a busy week fortunately, with not a lot of time to really think. Sometimes thats a good thing. It's not always easy keeping up a positive attitude, sometimes you just want to cry. But it's ok, and in the end it will be worth it. The ultimate goal of building our family makes up for the heartache and all that is going on right now.

No one ever said it was going to be easy, they just said it was worth it.

So true.

Slow weekends are ok, but...

Well, it's another slow weekend here in our household. We're enjoying it, sleeping in, catching up with TV, doing some Noah's Ark and My Adoption Shop work... but still. We are MORE than ready to give it up for a busy kid filled weekend.

We know, we'll look back fondly on these "quiet" times soon, but for now... I guess what they say is true "the grass is always greener on the other side".

Our turn will come in due time... for now, it's just another weekend for us as we wait...

My Adoption Shop

I've been working on this for a little bit, and it's up and running. In addition to my growing Noah's Ark business, I'm also opened up a webstore for unique gifts.

www.MyAdoptionShop.com It's unique gifts and items that are helpful for folks who are adopting, but there are also things for new parents and parents to be =) . I'm adding more stuff daily as I find it and see that it fits.

14 months

So, we hit the 14 month mark of being contracted out today.

Not too much to report, though things have been busy this past month, and some things are still pending. New profiles are out, we're featured on the website under the "featured families" on the birthmother pages, new home study is completed, etc.

We want to thank everyone for your thoughts and prayers, they really mean a lot to us! We know it's going to happen when it's supposed to happen.

Who knows, maybe #14 will be lucky for us!