Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Martian Child

There is a new movie coming out on Nov 2. It's called Martian Child. The website is:

It's interesting, not your usual adoption story, or your typical movie. It's basically about a widowed science fiction writer who forms an unlikely family with a close friend and a young boy he adopts that claims to be from mars. As the tag line says, "It doesn't matter where you come from, as long as you discover where you belong".

It is in theaters this Friday, Nov 2nd.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Oops, we forgot- 16 months already!

Well, you can certainly tell that we've been busy! 16 months came and went, and we forgot to post and to email in our monthly check in (that's next on the list!). It's hard to believe it's been 16 months since our contract was signed, that our journey is still going on.

The little one will come when the timing is right..... just hope the right time comes soon!

Thursday, October 25, 2007

What to Expect While You Are Waiting To Adopt (some good info)

A friend on a message board I frequent shared this article with me. It's on iVillage, and is about the adoption process. More specifically what to expect while you are waiting to adopt. For someone who is starting to think about adoption, or someone who wants to know more about how an adoptive parent feels, it can be a really good article. A lot of it rings true for us, and it's a great way to share with others what we go and have gone through as we journey through this process to build our family. Here's the article, it's written by a woman who has children both biologically and through adoption:


When I found out I was pregnant with my first child, I ran out to buy a beautiful journal. In it, I tracked the growth of my belly, doctor's visits, countdown to the due date, and of course the details of my labor and delivery.

When my husband and I began talking about having another child, I knew I wanted to keep another pregnancy journal. Our second child, however, did not come as planned. After secondary infertility and nearly seven years of trying to conceive we made the decision to adopt a baby. This "pregnancy" did not last nine months; it came without any what-to-expect guidelines. I was "expecting" all right, but certainly not in the conventional way. I could not relate to any of the available nine-month countdown journals. So, I decided to create my own.

Through my journaling and sharing with others in similar situations, I found that there are indeed somewhat predictable stages of an adoption pregnancy.

Stage One: Asking Yourself Questions
The first trimester, so to speak, of an adoption expectancy may take a few minutes or several years. Some men and women say that they always knew they would adopt; it was just a matter of when. I have also met couples who have been, and still are, thinking about adoption for 10 years. Still others, like my husband and me, make the decision easily to have a child and to try fertility treatments when unable to become pregnant. Pursuing adoption, however, was not as instantaneous for us.

My biggest fear throughout pregnancy with my first child was, Would I be a good mother? My biggest fear in my adoption expectancy was, Will I feel like this child's mother? Could I bond with a child not born to me? Would I treat my birth child differently, and would my adopted child grow up feeling injustice in our family? Worst of all, could I handle my emotions if and when my child wanted to meet the birth family? I feared my role as a mother would be short-lived.

Ask yourself what matters, a pregnancy or a child? Will I feel like less of a person if I cannot make a baby? Have I mourned the child we cannot conceive? Is adoption our last resort, or do we want it regardless of our ability to conceive?

Stage Two: Who Will This Child Be?
The second trimester of your expectancy resembles a physical pregnancy's: You imagine LIFE. You don't grow a belly, rather a mound of paperwork. You're through with doctors poking at your body, but social workers poke around your home. No more research into medical miracles; now it's finding how to build your family. You start to imagine what kind of parent you will be. You wonder, Who will this child be?

You are moving into unknown territory, and it is natural to be filled with questions, fears and even doubts. You will be judged if your home and marriage are fit for a child, if you will be a fit parent. You will be asked about your feelings on issues that you may never before have given a second thought. You might have no idea what race your child will be, or his heritage or what she might look like. You'll probably stare at every child on the street and wonder, Will mine look like that?

You might have nightmares about your baby being born with two heads, seven toes or polka dots. You'll have to come to terms with heart-wrenching questions like, Can I parent a disabled child? What about a baby born with AIDS? A birth defect? Of all the children born in this world, which will be mine to love and raise?

Somewhere out there a child waits for you. You have taken a huge step toward that child; now feel the movement in the universe that will connect you.

Stage Three: The Waiting Game
Try to think of this stage as your last hurrah to prepare for the moment when you will get that phone call, when the agency or attorney will match you, when the birth mother will go into labor. IT WILL HAPPEN.

Compose a letter to your waiting child during this time. If you have little ones, encourage them to write to their future sibling. Ask your parents also to write to their coming grandchild.

Welcome the child into your life and family before s/he arrives, just as you would if you carried her in your womb. Throw yourself a baby shower. Ready your home for your new bundle. Buy diapers, sprinkle baby powder around the room, wash some baby clothes with extra gentle soap. Do whatever it takes to make it feel real.

Stage Four: It's a Boy, a Girl, a Miracle!
No matter how ready you think you are, you're not ready for this. As many times as you have answered the telephone before the first ring ended, and thought, "This could be the call," it will be the time that you grab it running out the door when the voice on the other end breaks the news you've been waiting for. It will be the day that the mail sits on your counter for hours before you remember it when a picture or video of your child appears. Even if you are in the delivery room, watching the birth of your baby, once he or she is placed in your arms, your heart will skip a beat and you will wonder, "How did I get here?!"

How you got there is nothing short of a miracle. The miracle of childbirth. The miracle of adoption. And it will take your breath away.

Stage Five: Joyful Beginnings, Bittersweet Endings
After childbirth, many women go through postpartum blues. Though it may be hard to imagine feeling anything other than pure joy once your long-awaited adopted child is in your arms, don't be surprised when you shed tears the first few weeks. Hormones may not be causing the tears, but you will nonetheless feel mixed up.

The first time I saw my daughter, she was two days old, sleeping in a car seat, her two pink feet sticking out beneath a blanket. Sitting next to her, lovingly stroking those precious feet, was her birth mother. My heart went out not at first to this dear infant but to the incredibly courageous and loving woman who had just given birth. I was truly paralyzed for a moment at the magnitude of love surrounding the three of us, this adoption triad.

Don't be afraid to feel the loss and sadness for your child and the birth parents. Cry for joyful beginnings. And cry for bittersweet endings.

An adoption pregnancy is not obvious to everyone. Often without a due date, it is a pregnancy of the heart and soul. I hope that my book, Till There Was You: An Adoption Expectancy Journal, will inspire you to explore your own time of waiting that you will share one day with the child who grew in your heart.

--By Rebecca Lyn Gold

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

3 years yesterday

3 years ago on Oct 23 Mike and I got married :) It's been a fun 3 years, and we know there will be many more to come.

We took a mini vacation, headed up to Windy Hill, and had dinner at The Gristmill last night. They literally gave us the best seat in the house, we had the best view of the river. It was wonderful.

Now, we are relaxing, enjoying the beautiful day. We're watching the river go by, and enjoying spending time together.

Life is perfect. It can't get much better than this (except for the few little things we can't wait to have join our family), and we really are enjoying ourselves.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Unconditional love

Nothing melts your heart more than when a child shows you unconditional love. We've seen it quite a bit this weekend. It shows in her eyes as Mike changes her diaper. It's there in her smile when I walk in to the room to get her out of her crib from her nap. It's there as we sit at the table and eat a meal. And as she gives us a sneaky smile before trying to sneak a cookie.

So sweet.

Someday we'll see that unconditional love from our children too. How exciting.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

The Upside

The upside to not having any kids yet- we can have a niece or nephew over for the weekend and spend the whole weekend doting on them.

Today is our youngest niece's birthday. She's 1 today- wow, time sure does fly! We are going to dinner at Carlton Woods to celebrate her special day.

Our older niece is going to come home with us tonight. She's going to stay through Sunday, we'll take her home Sunday evening. We are looking forward to it. She's a sweetheart. She has the biggest crush on Unka Mike, it's cute =) We know we are going to have a great time with her this weekend.

Now of course we'll have the nieces and nephews over when we have kids, they'll come to play with their cousins. But for now, we'll enjoy this special time we get with the kiddos and cherish their visits.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Baby fix

I got to have a baby fix today. My friend had several doctors appointments today. She has a 6 week old, and knew most likely he'd not cooperate the whole time. So, I went with her to hang out, and watched him while she was doing her appointments.

It was nice to visit with her. New parenthood is stressful, but she looks great. I was glad to get to visit with her, and I know she probably felt the same way. We went to lunch after the appointments and then each headed home.

Her little guy is so cute! I hadn't seen him since the day he was born, in the hospital. He sure has grown a lot! And such a sweet little guy. He had his moments, but we (and sometimes it was I while she was in with the DR) got him calmed down. Nothing that couldn't be managed.

The poor little guy is lactose intolerant, and colicky as well. So he sure does give Mom and Dad a run for their money. Sometimes though, he just wants to be held, or just wants his pacifier. But you'd think he was super hungry or had a dirty diaper or something with all the hollering :) It was so sweet!

I really enjoyed spending time with her and getting to help with him. I needed that baby fix.

Mike hasn't seen him since the hospital either- and asked me to take pictures with my camera phone. My friend remarked, and I totally agree, it's so neat to see Mike so genuinely interested in babies and kids, even when they aren't his own. Mike really does care about the kids of our friends, and it's really a special to see.

I know he's going to be a great daddy when the timing is right! I just wish the time was soon!

Friday, October 12, 2007

slow week full of emotions

This week has been a slow adoption week. But it's been full of emotions. All of a sudden, a few days ago, it hit. Sadness that nothing has happened yet. It's common to have it happen. Adoption is a roller coaster of emotions. Some days are better than others. You just roll with it and know that the positives are coming soon. Just about all adoptive parents go through this, every so often you wonder "what is wrong with us, why haven't we been chosen yet?"

But then we remember to have faith, and know that everything happens for a reason. Our little one(s) will be here when they are supposed to join our family. It's just a matter of waiting for the right time.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Nothing new to report

Well, our profiles are being printed up (they will be done on Friday!), and that's about it. Nothing new to report. We're keeping busy trying to enjoy our "quiet" time while we have it. But that is about it. Thank goodness we have start up businesses and work to keep us busy. It helps.

Monday, October 08, 2007

They need more profiles!

We received an email tonight. They need 20 more profiles by Oct 22! Yay! So we're going to get them printed off asap and mailed out! How exciting!

Adoption prayer

A friend on a message board I am on shared this prayer with me. Yesterday was Respect Life Sunday at her church, and they had this prayer to share. I thought it was beautiful and wanted to share it.

Prayer to Conceive or Adopt

Lord God, my desire for a child grows stronger every day.
Cradle me in your love and calm all my anxieties.
I look to you for insight to make the dream of parenthood a reality.
Stir in my heart the desire to follow your will in all my decisions.

Give me courage to trust your guiding presence.
Deepen my faith in your plan for our family.
Shine your divine mercy and compassion upon me.

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Call Intercept

The positives and negatives of caller ID. It's great, because you can tell you is calling you. Unfortunately, some of those calls show up as "call intercept", not telling you who they are. You have to pick up the phone and it tells you who it is.

Lifetime comes up as call intercept. So every time we get a call intercept, a quick fleeting thought goes through my mind that "this could be it!" It happened again today, around 1045 AM. The phone rang. I checked the caller ID, and it said "call intercept". But no. It was just a recorded message from the post office, with an offer of some business products and services they want me to try.

Why can't that call intercept be someone we want to talk to? Why can't it be Lifetime with the call that our baby is being born, come pick him/her up? Why must it be the post office?

Ah, well. Someday that call intercept WILL be Lifetime with the news of our little one to be. For now, we'll just keep looking at caller ID and hoping the call will come soon!

Saturday, October 06, 2007

We learned something about websites tonight

Apparently, if you take a domain name and forward it to another; if you mask it, then your shopping cart won't work!


And we've had it that way for several weeks =(

It's working now though, and we taught the tech guy something!

We're back in business!

So if you've tried to buy something from, the site works now!

Friday, October 05, 2007

An Awesome Baby Book

I was in Barnes and Noble using up some birthday gift cards when I stumbled across this book in the adoption part of the parenting section. It's called My Family, My Journey: A Baby Book for Adoptive Families.

It is possibly the closest to the baby books that we had as children that we can find. We are estatic to have found it, and can't wait to use it.

We have Our Chosen Child, and it's a great book too. We look forward to filling it out along with My Family, My Journey.

Most baby books we have found either are related to 1. a pregnancy or 2. international adoption. Since we are adopting domestically, neither fits for us. We had thought about making a scrapbook, and not having a baby book, but we really wanted to just find a baby book too.

We love that it has pages for all the special "adoption related" moments, including "Why we chose to adopt", "How we found you", "people who helped us find you", "waiting", "matched" (when, how we found out, how we celebrated), "Our Journey to you" (it includes where you were, how we got to you and joyful memories- so it can be used internationally or domestically), "our very first meeting", "all about your name", and then traditional things about coming home, family, showers, introductions and celebrations, announcements, firsts and favorites, month by month the first year (height, weight and milestones), etc. It even has a page for "what we know about your birth family and where you came from". That is so cool!

We are looking forward to filling it out (hopefully sooner rather than later!)

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

A nibble is better than nothing

For our check in this month, we did get some interesting news. Nothing major, but a nibble is nice.

We are busy here with birth mothers, adoptive families, projects, etc. Your name has come up a few times this past month regarding birth mother and their potential adoption plan. I hope that we call you soon with a great situation.

That's the first time we've had THAT happen, the first time it's been reported to us that someone is looking at or considering us. So that was cool!

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Still Sick

Well, we're feeling a tad better. Mike had to call out another day today. Wow, he hasn't been this sick in a long time. Mostly, it's just feeling weak. I'm off to do a Girl Scout workshop in a little bit, and he'll stay and sleep.

He should be fine tomorrow. If not, he's going to the doctor!

Nothing new on the adoption front. We are hoping to hear about our update today, but that's about it. I hope everyone is having a great week!

Monday, October 01, 2007


It's nice to find a group of friends who understand what you are going through, especially when your life or family building is a bit outside the "norm" of the "traditional" way of building a family.

I found this recently on an adoption related message board. I have my Lifetime specific yahoo group, and it's great. I also have been active on the adoption board on The Nest, and the adoption section of babies.ourlittleuniverse. All three of them are wonderful, and I'm enjoying the folks and friendships I have received from them, not to mention the wonderful information I have gained. And I would be wrong not to mention my blogging circle, and those who are going through the same experiences. They are wonderful!

I recently found another one, and it feels like home. It's been growing in leaps and bounds, which is wonderful to see. And the folks there are so sweet. It's the perfect mix with the others. I feel like between them I now have a group where I belong.

Often in the adoption community, there are message boards that are not quite as positive. Some are a fairly decent mix, and some are more negative. There really is something out there for everyone.

It's hard when you are trying to figure out where you belong. Who you can identify with, and who your true friends are, be them online or in real life. Through something like infertility or adoption into the mix, and it's even harder.

I am very fortunate in that I have wonderful "non-adoption" friends as well. We mesh really well, and all are smart enough to recognize that we bring differences into our friendships. Differences that make us all unique, yet all get along so well. We know that we can turn to each other for support. And it's those friends that I am thankful for, for keeping me "sane". That keep me from thinking about or focusing on adoption all the time. Yet I know they will be some of the most excited when we finally do get the call.

Some of my friends have kids. In fact, when we have little ones. we'll already have several "playgroups". Our kids already have lots of "aunts" and "uncles" and friends, they just don't know it yet!

As we grow through our experiences, our lives change. Friendships come and go, and you realize who your true friends are, who is there for the long run. You figure out who you can turn to for support, and who can turn to you for support. Those people, and family, are the most important part of life. And you need to do what is best for you, make the decisions that are right for you.

We want to thank our support system.

Thank you.

sharing bugs

One thing that we are going to have to get used to is the sickness factor. I know typically when a family member gets sick, the rest of the household gets sick too.

Mike and I are experiencing that right now. We went to a birthday party yesterday for my nephew. And tonight we went out with Mike's parents for dinner to celebrate my birthday. On the way home, my sister called and asked if we were sick. Apparently she had a stomach virus all day. Nope. We weren't sick.

Notice I say "weren't". We are now :( . Mike started to get sick not too long after we'd gotten home. After his parents left, he told me that dinner had not sit well with him. I started to feel ill about an hour and a half later.

We split up- him in one bathroom and I in another - luckily we can do that right now! And we've been sick since then. Mike called his work about 1 or so, to tell them that he'd most likely not be coming in to work. We're doing a self imposed quarantine so that we don't make anyone else sick.

We sure hope that we didn't end up making Mike's parent's sick. I'll call them in the morning to let them know about our experience. And hope they don't get it too!

Ah, the joys of family hood. When Mike and I first started dating, he used to get "sick" every time he saw our nephew. He wasn't used to the germs that kids bring, and didn't have much of an immunity for it. He's getting better now, as we get more and more nieces and nephews, and they grow.

I can imagine that when we have kids, his immunity system will get even better. But every so often, a real doozy of a bug comes, and knocks the whole family out.

Gotta love it!