Tuesday, February 20, 2007


On one message board I am on, there was a poll: What will you do if you can't have kids?

and the answers...

"Just adopt"
"If we can't have kids, it wasn't meant to be, we'll travel the world"
"we'll be the funnest aunt and uncle out there"
"if all else fails, we'll adopt"

These are the same people who act as if those adoptive parents "gave up". A few of those folks said things like "adopted kids are going to be screwed up- that it's genetic- there is something wrong with them."

It never ceases to amaze me how some people (not all, and fortunately not any in my close circle of friends and family) view adoption. I feel bad for those who are close minded enough not to learn more about what a wonderful option it is. I'll admit, we had a slight clue (we were considering adopting at least one child), so we didn't go into it totally blind. But wow, there is so much mis- information or negative perceptions out there. And the die hard IF people appear to look down on or judge those who choose to adopt. For some people, they choose adoption as their first choice. Not everyone adopts because they have fertility issues.

I was discussing it on another chat board with a girl who is adopted. She is in the process of now going through adoption herself. She said that she's heard it all, and being an adopted child, people don't realize how hurtful they can be. She said she is blessed to know adoption first hand, and that those prejudices and biases have never even been a part of her thought process.

Not every birthparent out there is horrible, messed up, or suffering mental problems. There are many out there who want a better life for their child. Something they cannot provide. What's so wrong with that? I admire the person who recognizes this, and does what is best for all involved. Unfortunately though, most often it's the negative stuff you hear regarding terminating parental rights.

The girl I was chatting with, she and her brother, a cousin, and a good friend were all adopted. And they all turned out perfectly fine. They went to good colleges, and are very succesful in their lives. This is typically the norm, you just don't hear about it as much.

As she, and a few other "adoptive parents" friends of mine all agree, our role is to be an educator, a teacher. As adoptive parents we will be advocating for change and education for the rest of our lives...

We are very fortunate in that those in our close circle of real life friends and family are very open to adoption, and very excited to see our family grow :)

Now, if we would only get the call...... ;)


Lani said...

I am an adoptee that is now an adoptive parent and I fully agree with EVERYTHING you have said. My younger brother, and two step siblings are all adopted and ALL of us turned out just fine just as I am sure my daughter and your future child will!

Adoption is the most WONDERFUL gift and I wish more of the world realized this!

Tracy said...

Yes, I actually would prefer to adopt than puruse infertility treatments. We did one IUI, and that was enough for us. I will never view our child as a second choice, and anyone who does is not welcome in their life!