11 months

11 months since we contracted out. We've been officially waiting parents for 11 months. It's not quite a year, but it's getting there... A lot sure has happened in these past 11 months, it's been a real roller coaster ride of emotions.

This "anniversary" doesn't seem quite as sad or melancholy as the others. I guess it's more that we're trusting it's going to happen when it happens. We are trying to enjoy life as it happens, do selfish things we won't be able to do when we have children and all the responsibilities that go along with them. And enjoy each other.

One thing that has never faltered is our strength and love for each other. We're very lucky, and we recognize that, because often things such as infertility or adoption can put a strain on a marriage. Fortunately we both are in sync with each other, and able to help each other, lift spirits when the other is down. If anything, this experience has brought us even closer together, and we give thanks every day for each other.

11 months.

Adoption Songs II (well, albums anyway)

So, it's been a while, (Tuesday, March 13th) since I started this "series" of adoption songs. I haven't forgotten, just been distracted by some other things :) Today, I'll focus on some adoption albums. Some I have been eyeing for a while, some I just recently came across.

Anyway, one CD I found I keep meaning to get, but I just haven't gotten around to it yet is The Spirit of Adoption. It's a collection of Christian artists whose lives have been touched by the miracle of adoption. Artists included on the album are: Steven Curtis Chapman, Sandi Patty, Geoff Moore, Rita Springer, Todd Agnew, Chuck & Lynette Giacinto, Sandi Padilla, Becky Wright & Tommy Brandt, and Mary Rice Hopkins.

Another one that I want to eventually purchase is Adoption....the Songs you Love. It used to be available on Target.com, but hasn't been for a while. The songs on this album are not the original artists, but rather a compilation of songs sung by a few artists.

Do You Have A Little Love to Share? Provides songs for all those involved in adoption, including birth parents/families as well as adoptive parents/families. You can listen to the songs, and see some of the lyrics by clicking on the title of the album.

And though I don't know the songs included on Little Angel Smiles, from what I've heard it covers all aspects of adoption as well. There are 18 songs written for birthparents, adoptive parents, waiting parents, and the child who brings them together. The reviews I have heard from this album seem to be pretty good.

SameSame:Songs for Adoptive Families looks like it will be a good one to use as a child grows up in our family. We will be using age appropriate materials to share their adoption story, and this CD appears to fit in perfectly with our goals. It contains both silly and serious songs, perfect for children and families.

Another along similar lines is My Forever Family CD. It is geared more toward international adoption, with songs such as "Two Countries" and "My Native Land", but the Songs for Grown Ups include songs that adopting and waiting families can relate to.

Anyway, those are a few albums I've come across lately....

Baby/Memory Books

Baby books for those adopting are hard to find. Often, they are called Life Books or Memory Books, etc. I found a website that has what is called "Lux Adoption Memory Album" and it comes in a variety of colors. They can be found at aimeej keepsake albums.

What is neat is the 20 pages of the scrapbook. They cover slightly different topics than your average baby book, but are not drastically different. They also aren't just international or domestic adoption specific, you can tailor it to suit your needs.

We're adopting, we don't have cooties...

I know sometimes it is difficult for others to understand what we are going through. They may not be sure how to handle us, what to do or say around us. What they don't realize is that it actually hurts more to not be included in things.

We're adopting- we don't have cooties.

Sometimes people are not sure how to act around us, or what to say to us (or any other couple or individual adopting). Just be yourself. Sometimes people are hesitant to talk about their kids, their experiences in parenting or pregnancy, etc. Please don't not talk about it. We want to know. We want to be included. It hurts more when we are not.

Just because our family is growing a bit differently than yours, or that our "pregnancy" is a bit longer than yours doesn't mean that we are any different than any other couple who are waiting to be parents. We love hearing about others, sharing accomplishments, moments, etc. We feel left out when we aren't told stories, aren't shown the pictures. We're just regular people, who care about people and want to know what is going on in their lives. That's what friends and family are for.

We know our time will come, and some day we will have children. We can't tell you when, we don't know. But sometime, someday, we will be parents too. But for now, don't be hesitant to share your joy, pictures, accomplishments, etc with us. It helps us learn, and gives us something to get excited about, knowing that someday we will get to have those experiences with our children.

Goodnight My Someone

My friend Shelley (Lawfrog) (of Toadally Talking)sent me the song lyrics to "Goodnight My Someone" from "The Music Man". She says, (and I quote, because she is really awesome):

I always loved the song Goodnight My Someone. Though it speaks of lovers, I think it applicable to adoption as well. Your little one is out there Liz. Keep praying and saying goodnight to him/her. He or she can hear you - it's communication from heart to heart.


Little does she know, but we actually do something similar. Every so often, either Mike or I say (or sometimes just think) - today is the day our child was born (or sometimes we say conceived). Because you know what, one of these days it's going to be true :)

Anyway, I wanted to share the song...

Goodnight My Someone

by Meredith Willson
From "The Music Man"
As sung by Shirley Jones, © 1962 Warner Bros. Records Inc.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goodnight, my someone, goodnight, my love.
Sleep tight, my someone, sleep tight, my love.
Our star is shining its brightest light,
For goodnight, my love, for goodnight.

Sweet dreams be yours, dear, if dreams there be
Sweet dreams to carry you close to me.
I wish they may and I wish they might.
Now goodnight, my someone, goodnight.

True love can be whispered from heart to heart,
When lovers are parted they say.
But I must depend on a wish and a star
As long as my heart doesn't know who you are.

Sweet dreams be yours, dear, if dreams there be
Sweet dreams to carry you close to me.
I wish they may and I wish they might.
Now goodnight, my someone, goodnight.

Goodnight! Goodnight!

Happy Mother's Day

Today is a bit of a bittersweet day for us. Two years ago, on Mother's Day, we found out we were pregnant, but it only lasted a week. Had it stuck, we would have had a 15 month old toddling around right now. But it just wasn't meant to be. I am missing my grandmother this year, it's the 2nd Mother's day without her. I know it's a silly little thing, but every year she sent me a Mother's Day card from my cat, Precious. It was always so sweet. My parents are very sweet, each year, when doing Mother's Day (both my sisters are mothers), they always include me by giving my a card. It's still not easy though. I am really thankful for them though, and them including me in the celebration.

My friend Kelly was so sweet. She brought me some flowers tonight. She said that I was a "waiting mother" and I ought to be included too. It made me tear up, it was so sweet. Mike has been working all day, and I've been home pretty much all day. I'm still recuperating a bit, and just wasn't feeling up to going out. His parents came down to go out to dinner (and we confirmed the dates for our Alaska cruise in 2008), and then went back home. So, it's been a pretty quiet day today.

But on the other hand, I am estatic for my friends. Those who are pregnant, Kate, Jess, Ro, Chris, (and a few who haven't announced it yet ;) ). Those who had babies this past year and are enjoying their first Mother's Day with their little ones, Ashley, Katie, Kim, Lisa, Julie, Melissa, Michelle, JulieAnn, (and I know I am forgetting some!) Those who had litle ones already, and are celebrating a 2nd or third or more Mother's Day, my sisters, Kathy, Kelly, Margaret, Kasey, Dana, Roberta, Teresa, D, (and more, I don't want to forget anyone, but I know I am!).

And don't forget my friend's who adopted this year! Rach, Alana, Kim, Karalee, Marlene, LisaAnne, AllyRae, Chelle, (and I know I am forgetting folks!)

Also, my friends who have adopted previously, Missy, Pegg, Gina... (and again, I'm missing folks)...

I want to send out a special Mother's day to those who are like me, still waiting for the call. Renee, Dawn, Tracey, Chrissy, Becky, Jen, Kerri, my Nest adoption girls, my blog friends, and my BOLU friends. Again, I know I am forgetting folks.

I am very lucky to know many wonderful women in my life. If I forgot you, please know it wasn't intentional, there are just so many of you!

Happy Mother's Day to all!

Mothers Day for Mothers in Waiting

I received this letter from Mardie Caldwell, the founder of Lifetime Adoption (she is an adoptive parent) and wanted to share it . I can totally relate to it, and it couldn't have come at a better time. Mother's Day can be a struggle for those who are waiting, waiting to be matched, adopting, trying to conceive, or struggling with infertility.

Mother's Day.....

For some mothers-in-waiting, it is a beautiful day filled with hope for the future. For others, it is a reminder of the blessings they are still seeking.

When I was adopting, I would dread the week leading up to Mother's Day every single year. It reminded me of my losses and my failures. I couldn't find joy, not even in the celebration of my own mother. At church, I felt I was the only one without a child without a corsage, and without the knowledge of when or if I was ever going to be a mother.

What I didn't realize at the time was that I was already a mother. God just had not yet let me to my son, the perfect child he had for me.

Mother's Day is a day to celebrate our own mothers and to celebrate the blessing of motherhood. It is, like every other day, a beautiful day that the Lord has made, only asking that we rejoice and be glad in the blessings He has provided. If your heart is aching, it can be hard to fulfill His request.

Consider a few ways to rejoice in Mother's Day as a mother-in-waiting...
*Take a quick trip out of town with your husband, to a nearby resort you've never been.
* Go for a hike, to the beach, or some other place that you can spend time together in God's creation
* Buy yourself something frivolous, something a "mom" would never indulge in.
* Celebrate with someone you know you has lost their daughter or mother. Remember, Mother's Day can be difficult for those who have lost their mother.
* Plan a Mother's Day Brunch for the women in your family
*Take single carnations to the local hospital, to share with women there who may not have anyone to celebrate with.

One lesson I've learned time and again, is that in my life, my own pain becomes less when I reach out in service to others, or take time to care for myself. On this Mother's Day, my prayer is that you celebrate the beautiful spring day that the lord had made, rejoicing in the blessings He has provided.

there is a little prayer at the end too...

Dear Lord,
Today I pray for patience, for the timing is yours for our adoption. I pray for wisdom and guidance for what to do and when to do it and for acceptance of the fact you have my adoption all planned out already. I pray for our child and our birthmother. Provide special protection around them. You know where they are and what they need. I trust you and place my fears at your feet. Please provide comfort in my time of waiting.
In His Name, Amen

Adoption on the Today Show

Well, Mardie's first segment was on the Today Show this morning. I was still sleeping, so I DVRd it so I could watch it later.

The main question Meredith Vieira asked was "is adoption right for you" And the segment was titled "all about adoption"

You can view the video here.

They showed a couple of folks who have adopted, both domestically and internationally. It was a nice little intro, showing lots of different families (and what makes up different families) and a variety of international and domestic adoptions.

Then, Meredith introduced Mardie Caldwell as the founder of Lifetime Adoption Center in California and also author of Adoption: Your Step-By-Step Guide.

They first discussed that you need to get as much information as possible when deciding to adopt. Including, international or domestic, age, race, and to use the internet, the library, talk to folks who have adopted, etc. Basically, do your research to determine if adoption is right for you.

They talked about the difference between domestic and international. Domestic, you have more information about the birthmother, no travel, possibly a newborn. More control over your adoption, and get history. Pluses for international- usually its a sure thing, you can adopt more than one at a time, some travel, opportunity to specify sex. She did caution that if you are single or over 40, sometimes you will face difficulties, especially in international adoption. But that international adoption is always changing.

Meredith then asked about the cost, and the wait. Those are typically the first couple questions that a potential adoptive parent is going to ask. Mardie said good news and bad news- domestic is typically $14,000/$15,000 to $30,000 and internationally it's $10,000 to $40,000. And she stressed that there is a tax credit (up to $10,000), and more and more now companies are offering adoption benefits (though I know it's not always the case- many companies still do not offer adoption benefits). As for the wait, Mardie said generally it is 9 months to two years for either domestic or international. Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule, and some are quicker than others, while some take longer (my friends who are adopting from China can attest to that).

They talked next about medical fears for those adopting internationally. There are doctors who specialize in international adoptions, and can tell if there are any medical issues with a child. They will translate records, help you to learn what to expect etc.

Then, they talked about the red flags to watch out for when looking into adoption. They are: be careful of anyone who doesn't have a contract when working with them (international or domestic), if anything sounds to good to be true, check it out, check out references, check with the BBB, attorney general offices, be cautious of anyone asking for money up front.

All in all, it was a very good primer for those who are interested in looking into adoption.

The Today Show- "I want a baby"

The Today Show on NBC is running a weeklong segment called "I want a baby...."

Today's show was on "understanding infertility". It gave an overview of infertility, and talked with a reproductive endocrinologist who recommended when you ought to start seeing help for infertility.

Later this week, they will be talking about adoption. The founder of Lifetime, Mardie Caldwell is going to be on the show. I got this email today:

Dear Elizabeth,

I'm writing to let you know about an exciting event happening this week. Award-winning author Mardie Caldwell is scheduled to appear live on NBC's 'The Today Show' on May 9.

Caldwell will be discussing adoption as part of a feature this week about different ways to build your family. She will be sharing some important upcoming changes to various adoption opportunities.

Check your local listings for exact times and be sure to set your TiVo so you won't miss this information!

Warmly,
The Staff @ American Carriage House Publishing

I'll be watching, it will be interesting to see what she has to say.

Our check in call and a quick vacation

Sorry the post is a bit late, we had our check in call on Monday night, then left the next day for a mini-vacation.

The call went ok. Typical stuff- don't need any new profiles, no news to report, etc. It was good to talk to her, but it was basically almost the same stuff.

We did learn one very interesting and very important thing that we need to correct. Apparently our home study (bringing back the homestudy issues (and more issues) we had with the homestudy lady again) does not reflect our preferences enough, and could limit us if some particular type situations came up if they are out of state. Apparently if they come up in Texas, it's a bit different since we won't need our home study immediately for the ICPC . But if they are out of state, we could run into some problems. We've tried emailing the homestudy lady again (according to our Lifetime coordinator, it's pretty normal to make adjustments periodically with the home study), but as usual, she is not responding to our emails or phone calls. And still hasn't made the adjustments we asked her to do a while ago. So frustrating.

So, we are going to contact our wonderful adoption lawyer and ask for some recommendations for someone to do a home study for us. He said we'd need to do another anyway most likely, using a home study person from our county. So, we figure we'll just go ahead and see about redoing it. How frustrating though.

We will still be considered for insta matches- we are just limited a bit and would have some issues if a few particular situations came up that we technically are not home study approved for.

We had a nice little vacation, a much needed get away. We flew out early Tuesday to San Francisco, and rode the trolley cars, went to Fisherman's Wharf and walked down the side of Lombard Street.

We got up Wednesday morning, and boarded the Golden Princess for a trip from San Francisco to Vancouver. It was SO neat to go under the Golden Gate Bridge on a cruise ship. We arrived in Vancouver on Friday morning. We literally got off the ship, then waited in line at the Port of Vancouver to get in line and board the Norwegian Star for a quick trip to Seattle. We got off the ship, walked around a little bit. That's one more state to mark off my list of states to visit (now, I only have North Dakota, Montana and Alaska!) Then, we caught a taxi to the airport and flew home. We enjoyed it a lot. It was my fourth cruise on Princess and Mike's third, but the first for both on Norwegian. It was an interesting experience. Anyway, we are glad to be home, and are relaxing, doing laundry, and basically trying to catch up.

We'll call in tomorrow or Tuesday to see what we can find out about a new home study. Ugh, how frustrating!

10 months

Today, Sunday April 29th, is 10 months. Not much going on, no new news to report. We are going to call in for our monthly check in this month, instead of our usual email. Though honestly, it's probably going to be the same "all is ok, we have your preferences on file, we don't need any more profiles, talk to you next month".

Ah, well.

We decided to take a little escape this weekend, and went to the family house in the hill country. It's nice to spend some time just the two of us, as we mark the 10 month anniversary of starting the adoption process.

A child who is adopted is born from the heart

I was watching Adoption Stories on Discovery Health today, and the parents who were adopting said "A child who is adopted is born from the heart". I like that sentiment.


Usually you see the poem:

Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone,
But still miraculously my own.
Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart - but in it
--- Fleur Conkling Heylinger


Both are really sweet thoughts. And oh, so true. Our hearts are going to be overflowing with joy when we finally are matched with our little one. We have so much love to give, we can't wait to share it with our future children.

A Fireside Chat

We had a teleconference call earlier this week. It was called "A Fireside Chat with Mardie". It was basically a Q&A session for folks who are contracted out with Lifetime. It was interesting, sharing some stories and tips as to what to expect, what's been going on, etc. They told us a bit about what to expect when matched, the hospital experience, etc. It was very informative.

They plan on doing some geared toward adopting mothers later this summer. That should be interesting :)

They also reminded us about the hundreds of websites they own. They even have one for every state. We are found on http://www.texasadoptivefamilies.com/ . It is interesting to see all the states, and the parents from there. If there are not enough parents, or if the state doesn't allow adoptive parents to work with facilitators (NY is one of those) then they list adoptive parents from other states. Birthmothers can come from any state, but states do sometimes restrict who adoptive parents can work with.

We got some great information on this call this week.

How cool is this?

I have to send a shout out to D of Making Twiglet. She is wonderful.

I posted last week about how challenging it is to find coupons for diapers and formula. They all pretty much require the birth date or due date for a child, and as adoptive parents we can't predict that.

I received an email from her that was so sweet. She works for Nestle (Very Best Baby), in a different department from Infant Formula. She found a contact, and wrote them an email about adoptive parents such as I.

I am hoping that you can help me. I have a friend that is in the middle of the adoption process, waiting to get matched with a birthmother. She is trying to stock up on necessities for when the day comes because it could happen at a days notice. She was looking into signing up with Very Best Baby to get formula coupons (as she obviously cannot breastfeed) but found that
she could not sign up since she did not yet have a due date or birth date. She considered making up a date but figured she wouldn’t be able to change the date if the adoption process took longer than she hopes.

Here is where I hope you can help. Is there any sort of pre-adoption program for Infant Formula? If not, is this something that someone could look into as I think there could be a need to be filled here.

She knew I worked at Nestle and thought I might be able to find some information for her. Any information you could give me would help (or if you could direct me to someone else, if you are the wrong contact). Thank you very much!

They wrote her back!!

Congratulations to your friend!

Please have her call 800 811 7500 to sign up and explain her situation. We should send her a full set of materials.

That is FANTASTIC!

She is a wonderful person to do that, and I am going to be calling them tomorrow.

Coupons

After starting to purchase baby supplies (in order to be prepared) we are realizing that coupons come in quite handy. Every little bit helps, that is for sure.

One thing I have found is that there are not many programs for adoptive parents. There are plenty of "expecting moms" programs, such as The Huggies Baby Network, which has A Happy and Healthy Pregnancy program, as well as a Happy Baby program, but you have to have a child's due date or birthdate in order to participate. Pampers has the same type program, except it's all in one- the My Pampers.com program. Again though, in order to sign up you need a due date or a child's birthdate. Luvs.com has the same. You have to enter a baby's birth or due date.

And the formula companies are exactly the same. Similac has a Welcome Additions Club, Enfamil has a Family Beginnings program (though Enfamil does have a spot for you to check if you are not expecting and do not have children younger than age 5 in your household, it doesn't address adoption specifically, and Nestle Good Start has the Very Best Baby program, again requiring a due date or birth date.

That's just for diapers and formula, but you get the picture. When you are adopting, and could be presented with an insta match at anytime, you need to go ahead and purchase some of these products. So, you have to pay full price retail unless you are able to get your hands on a coupon. It would be nice if they had a program for adopting parents.

One thing you can do is go ahead and sign up with a made up date. We did this with our Babies R Us and Target registries. The only problem is, if you pass that date, you have to go in and change it, or re-sign up.

Which is fine in the case of registries, but with diapers and formula coupons they might not let you sign up again with another date.

So, we take the coupons we have, hold on to them, and if we can't use them before they expire we share them with others who are using those formulas or diapers. I actually belong to a couple coupon trains, and we all share formula, diaper, and other baby related coupons. That way, everyone gets to save, and the coupons that aren't needed by one family might be used for another family.

It's just frustrating though, that we can't legitimately sign up for coupons, and have to make up a due date because we are adopting.

Having a toddler visit...

....is a great way to see what needs to be changed in your house!

So far, we have determined, a rocking chair really needs to go in the nursery. A couple times this week, it would have really come in handy to help a little one who is fighting sleep.

We also are finding areas that need to be "toddler proofed". We knew there were a few areas and things that need to be made more secure. Our niece is helping us to find others :) When my friend's little one comes over to play, she's been helping us to find things too.

I guess it's time to invest in the door locks, cabinet locks, etc and all those good things :)

Looking forward to this weekend

We are really looking forward to this weekend. Our niece is coming to visit ;) We go to see our nephew play in a soccer game tomorrow, then go to The Woodlands Waterway Arts Festival, and bring her home with us.

My friend's daughter turned one today. She is having a birthday party at Toddler Town, an indoor playground on Sunday. The kids are going to have a lot of fun :) I know my niece will have a great time playing with my friend's daughter (my niece is a few months older, but they play well together) and enjoying the birthday party. Another friend of mine has a one year old (her birthday was last month) and she's bringing her too. There will be several that are the same age.

Our niece gets to stay with us until Tuesday, so we'll have plenty of play time on Monday and Tuesday. If the weather is nice, we'll take lots of walks, and maybe go play at Challenger 7 Memorial Park (it has a great playground).

Mike is on call on Monday and Tuesday (he goes in to work at 2), so we'll go have a special dinner with him on Monday night at our niece's favorite mexican restaurant. She always has a good time when she goes, and she charms all the waiters and waitresses.

We got the great news that another family using our agency that we keep in contact with was also matched. Their baby is due in August. Fantastic news!

So apparently if you know me...

..... and are adopting, this is your lucky month :)

I got an email from a friend in our agency yesterday, they were to chat with a birthmother last night. A bit later, another email that they are matched!

Wow, in the past month, I have known 3 who have brought their babies home, 3 who are matched, and 2 who got referrals (adopting internationally). Four of those were from our agency, so obviously they are working hard this month.

Fantastic adoption news!

The founder of our adoption facilitator is going to be in San Antonio

We received this email today. It's too short notice for Mike to be able to get off of work and make the trip, but I am trying to see if I can find someone who wants to go with me. We've talked to Mardie on the phone before, but never in person. While we are not adopting internationally, we will be able to chat with Mardie. It would be a good experience to go.



Event: "International Adoption: Let's Talk About It"

When: Thursday, April 12th 2007 7:00-9:00p.m.

Where: Casa Rio Restaurant - The Texas Room, on the Riverwalk

NTI Upstream has created a unique event that fuses a reception, the taping of a radio show, and a Q&A style discussion on international adoption. Whether you're a prospective parent, a current adoptive parent, or a professional that serves adoptive families, you can benefit from an evening of interaction & information on international adoption.

Reception with appetizers and refreshments

International Adoption Question & Answer session with select panelists

Host of “Let’s Talk Adoption”, Mardie Caldwell’s interview featuring Dr. Ira J. Chasnoff

RSVP is not required.

For sponsorship information, please contact NTI Upstream at 312-423-5657

starting to think about what to say

I received an email from another girl who is using our agency. She is going to be talking to a birthmother tonight. How exciting! She's very nervous, and wondering what to say, how the conversation should go. I know she and her husband will be fine.

That brought me to question, what will we do when we are chosen to chat with a birthmother? What do we say? What questions to ask?

We figure obviously we'll just be ourselves. Tha's most important in our book, let the birthparent see who we are.

Will be be nervous? Sure. Of course, who wouldn't be? It's a pretty important part of the adoption process.

We have been given a list of questions to use as suggestions. I guess we'd need to see the situation to determine which questions would work for us.

Hopefully we will be able to experience it sometime soon....