We're adopting, we don't have cooties...

I know sometimes it is difficult for others to understand what we are going through. They may not be sure how to handle us, what to do or say around us. What they don't realize is that it actually hurts more to not be included in things.

We're adopting- we don't have cooties.

Sometimes people are not sure how to act around us, or what to say to us (or any other couple or individual adopting). Just be yourself. Sometimes people are hesitant to talk about their kids, their experiences in parenting or pregnancy, etc. Please don't not talk about it. We want to know. We want to be included. It hurts more when we are not.

Just because our family is growing a bit differently than yours, or that our "pregnancy" is a bit longer than yours doesn't mean that we are any different than any other couple who are waiting to be parents. We love hearing about others, sharing accomplishments, moments, etc. We feel left out when we aren't told stories, aren't shown the pictures. We're just regular people, who care about people and want to know what is going on in their lives. That's what friends and family are for.

We know our time will come, and some day we will have children. We can't tell you when, we don't know. But sometime, someday, we will be parents too. But for now, don't be hesitant to share your joy, pictures, accomplishments, etc with us. It helps us learn, and gives us something to get excited about, knowing that someday we will get to have those experiences with our children.

Goodnight My Someone

My friend Shelley (Lawfrog) (of Toadally Talking)sent me the song lyrics to "Goodnight My Someone" from "The Music Man". She says, (and I quote, because she is really awesome):

I always loved the song Goodnight My Someone. Though it speaks of lovers, I think it applicable to adoption as well. Your little one is out there Liz. Keep praying and saying goodnight to him/her. He or she can hear you - it's communication from heart to heart.


Little does she know, but we actually do something similar. Every so often, either Mike or I say (or sometimes just think) - today is the day our child was born (or sometimes we say conceived). Because you know what, one of these days it's going to be true :)

Anyway, I wanted to share the song...

Goodnight My Someone

by Meredith Willson
From "The Music Man"
As sung by Shirley Jones, © 1962 Warner Bros. Records Inc.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goodnight, my someone, goodnight, my love.
Sleep tight, my someone, sleep tight, my love.
Our star is shining its brightest light,
For goodnight, my love, for goodnight.

Sweet dreams be yours, dear, if dreams there be
Sweet dreams to carry you close to me.
I wish they may and I wish they might.
Now goodnight, my someone, goodnight.

True love can be whispered from heart to heart,
When lovers are parted they say.
But I must depend on a wish and a star
As long as my heart doesn't know who you are.

Sweet dreams be yours, dear, if dreams there be
Sweet dreams to carry you close to me.
I wish they may and I wish they might.
Now goodnight, my someone, goodnight.

Goodnight! Goodnight!

Happy Mother's Day

Today is a bit of a bittersweet day for us. Two years ago, on Mother's Day, we found out we were pregnant, but it only lasted a week. Had it stuck, we would have had a 15 month old toddling around right now. But it just wasn't meant to be. I am missing my grandmother this year, it's the 2nd Mother's day without her. I know it's a silly little thing, but every year she sent me a Mother's Day card from my cat, Precious. It was always so sweet. My parents are very sweet, each year, when doing Mother's Day (both my sisters are mothers), they always include me by giving my a card. It's still not easy though. I am really thankful for them though, and them including me in the celebration.

My friend Kelly was so sweet. She brought me some flowers tonight. She said that I was a "waiting mother" and I ought to be included too. It made me tear up, it was so sweet. Mike has been working all day, and I've been home pretty much all day. I'm still recuperating a bit, and just wasn't feeling up to going out. His parents came down to go out to dinner (and we confirmed the dates for our Alaska cruise in 2008), and then went back home. So, it's been a pretty quiet day today.

But on the other hand, I am estatic for my friends. Those who are pregnant, Kate, Jess, Ro, Chris, (and a few who haven't announced it yet ;) ). Those who had babies this past year and are enjoying their first Mother's Day with their little ones, Ashley, Katie, Kim, Lisa, Julie, Melissa, Michelle, JulieAnn, (and I know I am forgetting some!) Those who had litle ones already, and are celebrating a 2nd or third or more Mother's Day, my sisters, Kathy, Kelly, Margaret, Kasey, Dana, Roberta, Teresa, D, (and more, I don't want to forget anyone, but I know I am!).

And don't forget my friend's who adopted this year! Rach, Alana, Kim, Karalee, Marlene, LisaAnne, AllyRae, Chelle, (and I know I am forgetting folks!)

Also, my friends who have adopted previously, Missy, Pegg, Gina... (and again, I'm missing folks)...

I want to send out a special Mother's day to those who are like me, still waiting for the call. Renee, Dawn, Tracey, Chrissy, Becky, Jen, Kerri, my Nest adoption girls, my blog friends, and my BOLU friends. Again, I know I am forgetting folks.

I am very lucky to know many wonderful women in my life. If I forgot you, please know it wasn't intentional, there are just so many of you!

Happy Mother's Day to all!

Mothers Day for Mothers in Waiting

I received this letter from Mardie Caldwell, the founder of Lifetime Adoption (she is an adoptive parent) and wanted to share it . I can totally relate to it, and it couldn't have come at a better time. Mother's Day can be a struggle for those who are waiting, waiting to be matched, adopting, trying to conceive, or struggling with infertility.

Mother's Day.....

For some mothers-in-waiting, it is a beautiful day filled with hope for the future. For others, it is a reminder of the blessings they are still seeking.

When I was adopting, I would dread the week leading up to Mother's Day every single year. It reminded me of my losses and my failures. I couldn't find joy, not even in the celebration of my own mother. At church, I felt I was the only one without a child without a corsage, and without the knowledge of when or if I was ever going to be a mother.

What I didn't realize at the time was that I was already a mother. God just had not yet let me to my son, the perfect child he had for me.

Mother's Day is a day to celebrate our own mothers and to celebrate the blessing of motherhood. It is, like every other day, a beautiful day that the Lord has made, only asking that we rejoice and be glad in the blessings He has provided. If your heart is aching, it can be hard to fulfill His request.

Consider a few ways to rejoice in Mother's Day as a mother-in-waiting...
*Take a quick trip out of town with your husband, to a nearby resort you've never been.
* Go for a hike, to the beach, or some other place that you can spend time together in God's creation
* Buy yourself something frivolous, something a "mom" would never indulge in.
* Celebrate with someone you know you has lost their daughter or mother. Remember, Mother's Day can be difficult for those who have lost their mother.
* Plan a Mother's Day Brunch for the women in your family
*Take single carnations to the local hospital, to share with women there who may not have anyone to celebrate with.

One lesson I've learned time and again, is that in my life, my own pain becomes less when I reach out in service to others, or take time to care for myself. On this Mother's Day, my prayer is that you celebrate the beautiful spring day that the lord had made, rejoicing in the blessings He has provided.

there is a little prayer at the end too...

Dear Lord,
Today I pray for patience, for the timing is yours for our adoption. I pray for wisdom and guidance for what to do and when to do it and for acceptance of the fact you have my adoption all planned out already. I pray for our child and our birthmother. Provide special protection around them. You know where they are and what they need. I trust you and place my fears at your feet. Please provide comfort in my time of waiting.
In His Name, Amen

Adoption on the Today Show

Well, Mardie's first segment was on the Today Show this morning. I was still sleeping, so I DVRd it so I could watch it later.

The main question Meredith Vieira asked was "is adoption right for you" And the segment was titled "all about adoption"

You can view the video here.

They showed a couple of folks who have adopted, both domestically and internationally. It was a nice little intro, showing lots of different families (and what makes up different families) and a variety of international and domestic adoptions.

Then, Meredith introduced Mardie Caldwell as the founder of Lifetime Adoption Center in California and also author of Adoption: Your Step-By-Step Guide.

They first discussed that you need to get as much information as possible when deciding to adopt. Including, international or domestic, age, race, and to use the internet, the library, talk to folks who have adopted, etc. Basically, do your research to determine if adoption is right for you.

They talked about the difference between domestic and international. Domestic, you have more information about the birthmother, no travel, possibly a newborn. More control over your adoption, and get history. Pluses for international- usually its a sure thing, you can adopt more than one at a time, some travel, opportunity to specify sex. She did caution that if you are single or over 40, sometimes you will face difficulties, especially in international adoption. But that international adoption is always changing.

Meredith then asked about the cost, and the wait. Those are typically the first couple questions that a potential adoptive parent is going to ask. Mardie said good news and bad news- domestic is typically $14,000/$15,000 to $30,000 and internationally it's $10,000 to $40,000. And she stressed that there is a tax credit (up to $10,000), and more and more now companies are offering adoption benefits (though I know it's not always the case- many companies still do not offer adoption benefits). As for the wait, Mardie said generally it is 9 months to two years for either domestic or international. Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule, and some are quicker than others, while some take longer (my friends who are adopting from China can attest to that).

They talked next about medical fears for those adopting internationally. There are doctors who specialize in international adoptions, and can tell if there are any medical issues with a child. They will translate records, help you to learn what to expect etc.

Then, they talked about the red flags to watch out for when looking into adoption. They are: be careful of anyone who doesn't have a contract when working with them (international or domestic), if anything sounds to good to be true, check it out, check out references, check with the BBB, attorney general offices, be cautious of anyone asking for money up front.

All in all, it was a very good primer for those who are interested in looking into adoption.

The Today Show- "I want a baby"

The Today Show on NBC is running a weeklong segment called "I want a baby...."

Today's show was on "understanding infertility". It gave an overview of infertility, and talked with a reproductive endocrinologist who recommended when you ought to start seeing help for infertility.

Later this week, they will be talking about adoption. The founder of Lifetime, Mardie Caldwell is going to be on the show. I got this email today:

Dear Elizabeth,

I'm writing to let you know about an exciting event happening this week. Award-winning author Mardie Caldwell is scheduled to appear live on NBC's 'The Today Show' on May 9.

Caldwell will be discussing adoption as part of a feature this week about different ways to build your family. She will be sharing some important upcoming changes to various adoption opportunities.

Check your local listings for exact times and be sure to set your TiVo so you won't miss this information!

Warmly,
The Staff @ American Carriage House Publishing

I'll be watching, it will be interesting to see what she has to say.

Our check in call and a quick vacation

Sorry the post is a bit late, we had our check in call on Monday night, then left the next day for a mini-vacation.

The call went ok. Typical stuff- don't need any new profiles, no news to report, etc. It was good to talk to her, but it was basically almost the same stuff.

We did learn one very interesting and very important thing that we need to correct. Apparently our home study (bringing back the homestudy issues (and more issues) we had with the homestudy lady again) does not reflect our preferences enough, and could limit us if some particular type situations came up if they are out of state. Apparently if they come up in Texas, it's a bit different since we won't need our home study immediately for the ICPC . But if they are out of state, we could run into some problems. We've tried emailing the homestudy lady again (according to our Lifetime coordinator, it's pretty normal to make adjustments periodically with the home study), but as usual, she is not responding to our emails or phone calls. And still hasn't made the adjustments we asked her to do a while ago. So frustrating.

So, we are going to contact our wonderful adoption lawyer and ask for some recommendations for someone to do a home study for us. He said we'd need to do another anyway most likely, using a home study person from our county. So, we figure we'll just go ahead and see about redoing it. How frustrating though.

We will still be considered for insta matches- we are just limited a bit and would have some issues if a few particular situations came up that we technically are not home study approved for.

We had a nice little vacation, a much needed get away. We flew out early Tuesday to San Francisco, and rode the trolley cars, went to Fisherman's Wharf and walked down the side of Lombard Street.

We got up Wednesday morning, and boarded the Golden Princess for a trip from San Francisco to Vancouver. It was SO neat to go under the Golden Gate Bridge on a cruise ship. We arrived in Vancouver on Friday morning. We literally got off the ship, then waited in line at the Port of Vancouver to get in line and board the Norwegian Star for a quick trip to Seattle. We got off the ship, walked around a little bit. That's one more state to mark off my list of states to visit (now, I only have North Dakota, Montana and Alaska!) Then, we caught a taxi to the airport and flew home. We enjoyed it a lot. It was my fourth cruise on Princess and Mike's third, but the first for both on Norwegian. It was an interesting experience. Anyway, we are glad to be home, and are relaxing, doing laundry, and basically trying to catch up.

We'll call in tomorrow or Tuesday to see what we can find out about a new home study. Ugh, how frustrating!

10 months

Today, Sunday April 29th, is 10 months. Not much going on, no new news to report. We are going to call in for our monthly check in this month, instead of our usual email. Though honestly, it's probably going to be the same "all is ok, we have your preferences on file, we don't need any more profiles, talk to you next month".

Ah, well.

We decided to take a little escape this weekend, and went to the family house in the hill country. It's nice to spend some time just the two of us, as we mark the 10 month anniversary of starting the adoption process.

A child who is adopted is born from the heart

I was watching Adoption Stories on Discovery Health today, and the parents who were adopting said "A child who is adopted is born from the heart". I like that sentiment.


Usually you see the poem:

Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone,
But still miraculously my own.
Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart - but in it
--- Fleur Conkling Heylinger


Both are really sweet thoughts. And oh, so true. Our hearts are going to be overflowing with joy when we finally are matched with our little one. We have so much love to give, we can't wait to share it with our future children.

A Fireside Chat

We had a teleconference call earlier this week. It was called "A Fireside Chat with Mardie". It was basically a Q&A session for folks who are contracted out with Lifetime. It was interesting, sharing some stories and tips as to what to expect, what's been going on, etc. They told us a bit about what to expect when matched, the hospital experience, etc. It was very informative.

They plan on doing some geared toward adopting mothers later this summer. That should be interesting :)

They also reminded us about the hundreds of websites they own. They even have one for every state. We are found on http://www.texasadoptivefamilies.com/ . It is interesting to see all the states, and the parents from there. If there are not enough parents, or if the state doesn't allow adoptive parents to work with facilitators (NY is one of those) then they list adoptive parents from other states. Birthmothers can come from any state, but states do sometimes restrict who adoptive parents can work with.

We got some great information on this call this week.

How cool is this?

I have to send a shout out to D of Making Twiglet. She is wonderful.

I posted last week about how challenging it is to find coupons for diapers and formula. They all pretty much require the birth date or due date for a child, and as adoptive parents we can't predict that.

I received an email from her that was so sweet. She works for Nestle (Very Best Baby), in a different department from Infant Formula. She found a contact, and wrote them an email about adoptive parents such as I.

I am hoping that you can help me. I have a friend that is in the middle of the adoption process, waiting to get matched with a birthmother. She is trying to stock up on necessities for when the day comes because it could happen at a days notice. She was looking into signing up with Very Best Baby to get formula coupons (as she obviously cannot breastfeed) but found that
she could not sign up since she did not yet have a due date or birth date. She considered making up a date but figured she wouldn’t be able to change the date if the adoption process took longer than she hopes.

Here is where I hope you can help. Is there any sort of pre-adoption program for Infant Formula? If not, is this something that someone could look into as I think there could be a need to be filled here.

She knew I worked at Nestle and thought I might be able to find some information for her. Any information you could give me would help (or if you could direct me to someone else, if you are the wrong contact). Thank you very much!

They wrote her back!!

Congratulations to your friend!

Please have her call 800 811 7500 to sign up and explain her situation. We should send her a full set of materials.

That is FANTASTIC!

She is a wonderful person to do that, and I am going to be calling them tomorrow.

Coupons

After starting to purchase baby supplies (in order to be prepared) we are realizing that coupons come in quite handy. Every little bit helps, that is for sure.

One thing I have found is that there are not many programs for adoptive parents. There are plenty of "expecting moms" programs, such as The Huggies Baby Network, which has A Happy and Healthy Pregnancy program, as well as a Happy Baby program, but you have to have a child's due date or birthdate in order to participate. Pampers has the same type program, except it's all in one- the My Pampers.com program. Again though, in order to sign up you need a due date or a child's birthdate. Luvs.com has the same. You have to enter a baby's birth or due date.

And the formula companies are exactly the same. Similac has a Welcome Additions Club, Enfamil has a Family Beginnings program (though Enfamil does have a spot for you to check if you are not expecting and do not have children younger than age 5 in your household, it doesn't address adoption specifically, and Nestle Good Start has the Very Best Baby program, again requiring a due date or birth date.

That's just for diapers and formula, but you get the picture. When you are adopting, and could be presented with an insta match at anytime, you need to go ahead and purchase some of these products. So, you have to pay full price retail unless you are able to get your hands on a coupon. It would be nice if they had a program for adopting parents.

One thing you can do is go ahead and sign up with a made up date. We did this with our Babies R Us and Target registries. The only problem is, if you pass that date, you have to go in and change it, or re-sign up.

Which is fine in the case of registries, but with diapers and formula coupons they might not let you sign up again with another date.

So, we take the coupons we have, hold on to them, and if we can't use them before they expire we share them with others who are using those formulas or diapers. I actually belong to a couple coupon trains, and we all share formula, diaper, and other baby related coupons. That way, everyone gets to save, and the coupons that aren't needed by one family might be used for another family.

It's just frustrating though, that we can't legitimately sign up for coupons, and have to make up a due date because we are adopting.

Having a toddler visit...

....is a great way to see what needs to be changed in your house!

So far, we have determined, a rocking chair really needs to go in the nursery. A couple times this week, it would have really come in handy to help a little one who is fighting sleep.

We also are finding areas that need to be "toddler proofed". We knew there were a few areas and things that need to be made more secure. Our niece is helping us to find others :) When my friend's little one comes over to play, she's been helping us to find things too.

I guess it's time to invest in the door locks, cabinet locks, etc and all those good things :)

Looking forward to this weekend

We are really looking forward to this weekend. Our niece is coming to visit ;) We go to see our nephew play in a soccer game tomorrow, then go to The Woodlands Waterway Arts Festival, and bring her home with us.

My friend's daughter turned one today. She is having a birthday party at Toddler Town, an indoor playground on Sunday. The kids are going to have a lot of fun :) I know my niece will have a great time playing with my friend's daughter (my niece is a few months older, but they play well together) and enjoying the birthday party. Another friend of mine has a one year old (her birthday was last month) and she's bringing her too. There will be several that are the same age.

Our niece gets to stay with us until Tuesday, so we'll have plenty of play time on Monday and Tuesday. If the weather is nice, we'll take lots of walks, and maybe go play at Challenger 7 Memorial Park (it has a great playground).

Mike is on call on Monday and Tuesday (he goes in to work at 2), so we'll go have a special dinner with him on Monday night at our niece's favorite mexican restaurant. She always has a good time when she goes, and she charms all the waiters and waitresses.

We got the great news that another family using our agency that we keep in contact with was also matched. Their baby is due in August. Fantastic news!

So apparently if you know me...

..... and are adopting, this is your lucky month :)

I got an email from a friend in our agency yesterday, they were to chat with a birthmother last night. A bit later, another email that they are matched!

Wow, in the past month, I have known 3 who have brought their babies home, 3 who are matched, and 2 who got referrals (adopting internationally). Four of those were from our agency, so obviously they are working hard this month.

Fantastic adoption news!

The founder of our adoption facilitator is going to be in San Antonio

We received this email today. It's too short notice for Mike to be able to get off of work and make the trip, but I am trying to see if I can find someone who wants to go with me. We've talked to Mardie on the phone before, but never in person. While we are not adopting internationally, we will be able to chat with Mardie. It would be a good experience to go.



Event: "International Adoption: Let's Talk About It"

When: Thursday, April 12th 2007 7:00-9:00p.m.

Where: Casa Rio Restaurant - The Texas Room, on the Riverwalk

NTI Upstream has created a unique event that fuses a reception, the taping of a radio show, and a Q&A style discussion on international adoption. Whether you're a prospective parent, a current adoptive parent, or a professional that serves adoptive families, you can benefit from an evening of interaction & information on international adoption.

Reception with appetizers and refreshments

International Adoption Question & Answer session with select panelists

Host of “Let’s Talk Adoption”, Mardie Caldwell’s interview featuring Dr. Ira J. Chasnoff

RSVP is not required.

For sponsorship information, please contact NTI Upstream at 312-423-5657

starting to think about what to say

I received an email from another girl who is using our agency. She is going to be talking to a birthmother tonight. How exciting! She's very nervous, and wondering what to say, how the conversation should go. I know she and her husband will be fine.

That brought me to question, what will we do when we are chosen to chat with a birthmother? What do we say? What questions to ask?

We figure obviously we'll just be ourselves. Tha's most important in our book, let the birthparent see who we are.

Will be be nervous? Sure. Of course, who wouldn't be? It's a pretty important part of the adoption process.

We have been given a list of questions to use as suggestions. I guess we'd need to see the situation to determine which questions would work for us.

Hopefully we will be able to experience it sometime soon....

Great news for my friends!

I just got an email from R. Her soon to be daughter's birthmother is very uncomfortable right now, and the OB/GYN thinks she is going to have the baby within the next 12 hours. Yay! R is going to be a mommy soon :) I am so happy for her!!

And K (katd) and her husband and daughter(!) are on their way back home. The ICPC (adoption paperwork) is done, and they got the all clear to go home today :) She's a little nervous about taking the newborn on the airplane for the first time, but she'll do just fine :)

Woohoo!

What a great adoption day :)

Interesting decision and hospitals

My friend R's birthmother is due to give birth this week. R has a very interesting decision to make. The birthmother is assuming that R is going to be in the room when the birthmother gives birth. R hadn't really thought about it. She's not really sure what to think or to do, or if she will be comfortable with it. It's a very personal and private decision that needs to be made.

The birthmother has told everyone in the hospital that R and her husband are the parents, to make sure that the hospital is very good with them, and treats them well. The birthmother is very sweet, and wants to have a good experience for all of them.

From my friends who have adopted, various people's experiences with hospitals were quite different. One family, when their baby was born, the hospital staff didnt want them there, tried to kick them out of the delivery room, and just generally didn't make things comfortable for them at all. The hospital said they "don't do adoptions". In fact, when the baby left, the hospital wouldn't let the adoptive parents take the baby out of the hospital, a caseworker had to do it, then give the baby to the adoptive parents.

Another friend's experience was quite different. The hospital let them be in the delivery room, made them comfortable, and even gave them a room to stay in after the birth of the baby. It allowed the adoptive parents to bond with the baby during those precious few beginning hours.

In general, about half the families I have known have been in the delivery room, the others just waited in the waiting room. But most of them went to the hotel at night, very few stayed in the hospital with baby.

As for what to do when it's our turn? Who knows. We figure we will cross that situation when we come to it. It may or may not apply to us.

Our last child free road trip? And some practice...

Well, we just got back from a wonderful road trip. We decided to just get in the car and go. We had a loose idea as to where we were going (south Texas) but no certain plans. Our mission: to knock out as many Texas counties as we could. See, Mike's goal is currently to go to every Texas county. He's doing pretty well, but needed to have south Texas covered. So, since we always go somewhere for Easter, we thought, why not?

It was nice to get away for a bit. Not focus on anything adoption related, work related, or anything in particular. Basically, just the two of us on the open road. We wonder, will it be out last child free road trip?

We both traveled quite a bit as children with our families. I have fond memories of Mom and Dad piling us into the car for the weekend, as we hit the open road. One thing Mike and I insist on is doing the same with our family. We already love to road trip, and plan on continuing that when we have children.

Our car is big enough :) But we did discuss (and look at cars on the road we saw) what would happen if our family was a bit larger than we originally thought and we'd need third row seating. We know there are some great vehicles out there.

The Easter Bunny visited our hotel room. About 440 in the morning, the Easter Bunny hid chocolate eggs around the room, and left a cute Easter basket. Boy was Mike surprised when he woke up this morning :)

We plan on making road trips with our kids fun. We learned growing up that road trips can be both fun and educational, and we plan on following that path ourselves. Easter is always our holiday to travel as "our family". So, we figured we'd have fun with it this year. Hopefully next year we'll be hiding eggs for a kid or two or more :)

We are going to get some practice this weekend. On Sat we are going to go watch our 4 year old nephew's soccer game. Then, we are going to bring his 15 month old sister home with us to spend the night. A friend of ours is having a birthday party for her one year old on Sunday, and our niece was invited to attend. I'll take her home Monday, when her parents get off work. It will be nice to get some niece time in. She is such a sweetie, and we have everything she needs to be comfortable here in our house. We are looking forward to her visit.

Meet the Robinsons

So, there is a new Disney Movie out called Meet the Robinsons . It's based on the book A Day with Wilbur Robinson by William Joyce. Wikipedia has a great summary of the movie, more in depth than IMDb or Yahoo!Movies or many others. What is interesting is that in the previews and trailers you don't realize that adoption plays a MAJOR part in the movie.


I guess I'm just a bit surprised (but then again, not all that surprised) that it had such a big adoption theme, yet it wasn't really known until the movie actually came out. All I really have heard was the tag line "I have a big head and little arms" that you hear quite a bit in the commercial . Even the trailer shown in the theaters doesn't really go into the adoption them (it's mentioned just briefly - that "all Lewis wanted was to find the family he never knew").


As is in the case of most things, there are two sides to every story, and varying opinions on everything.


I received an email from a friend who is also adopting. She was passed on this letter from the Executive Director of External Affairs for Wide Horizons For Children (an adoption agency) with their take on the movie:

Dear WHFC family,

We feel that it is important to warn you about a Disney movie called "Meet the Robinsons" that is now playing at many local cinemas. The advertising for this animated feature makes it sound like a great movie for any young child. Fortunately, one of our adoptive parents alerted us about the negative adoption messages in the story and the very unhappy experience she had with both of her children who were very greatly disturbed by the messages conveyed in this film. As a result, I went to see the film to decide if it warrented putting out an alert to our adoptive parent community. Indeed, I thought that the concerns raised were completely valid.

The movie is filled with extraordinarily inappropriate messages about adoption. The basic story is about an adorable baby whose birthmother leaves him on the doorstep of an orphanage. Portrayed as loving, sweet, extremely smart and overly appealing, he spends the next 12 years of his life wanting a family and being turned down by one family after another - in all, 114 couples refuse to adopt him. One scene shows a prospective dad losing interest in adoption because this very smart little boy is more interested in science than sports. The prospective parents leave the disappointed child in a huff when he accidently splatters them with some liquid from his science project. This is supposed to be funny.

Since no one else wants him, the child invents a time machine in order to go back in time to find his birth mother. The "bad guy" in his time travel journey turns out to be his best buddy from childhood, once his orphanage roommate. Now an emotional wreck resulting from being left behind when the orphanage was closed and shut down, the once-cute orphan is now mean and devious. Another chuckle. Various monsters attack the child as he continues his birth mother search. You get the picture !

I found "Meet the Robinsons" to be both tasteless and totally insensitive regarding adoption issues. Please think very carefully before taking your child to see it, whether adopted or not. I will write the Disney Corporation to let them know about my concerns about their flippent way of dealing with issues that are extremely important and not funny for millions of adoptees and their families in this country and around the world.

Feel free to share this message with anyone who you feel might benefit from knowing about this warning.

Vicki Peterson


Yet another agency, Bethany Christian Services has the following review:

Meet The Robinsons Movie Overview

Lewis is an orphan who dreams of finding a family. His journey takes an unexpected turn when a mysterious stranger named Wilbur Robinson whisks him away to a world where anything is possible…THE FUTURE.

There, he meets an incredible assortment of characters and a family beyond his wildest imagination, The Robinsons, who help lead him on an amazing and hilarious adventure with heartfelt results.

Movie Review From Bethany

Bethany Christian Services staff members and families in the west Michigan area had the privilege of being part of a private preview screening. Bethany staff members were happy with the outcome of the movie which showed adoption as a positive message. It was really interesting watching an animated movie that had adoption play such a central role in the plot.

While we believe the movie in most aspects played a good balance between the sensitivity of adoption and child-focused humor, there are a couple parts of the movie that concerned us a bit. The fact that the movie starts in "modern-time" and has an orphanage in the U.S. and a birthmother who leaves her baby in a basket at the doorstep are both simply not realistic today and were only true in the U.S. many decades ago. We don't hold any of these parts against the film as we understand these parts are important in creating a compelling story that is also simple enough for children to follow.

Overall, we think it is an excellent movie that we hope is very successful in theaters. It was clear that the movie was very well liked by young children and will be successful with this audience. This is a story about adoption that you can take your whole family to view - it is rated G.

They even offer a Meet the Robinsons Leaders/Activity/Study Guide.


I found another movie review (more positive than the first one) from an adoptive parent. She really goes into detail, and like most people, she too didn't realize the movie had such a huge central adoption theme. I really enjoyed her realistic review of the movie.


What to think, what to take of it? I guess we'll need to go see it for ourselves, or wait to rent it on Netflix. Where we can make our own judgements about the movie.

It's hard to avoid the baby aisles

So, I found myself in Target today, and just had to stop by the baby section. I was good today, didn't buy any formula (though I saw diapers are on sale, I need to take my coupons and get some tomorrow!) or baby supply stuff. Though I was very tempted. I did purchase a few things for my friends that have recently adopted or are going to be adopting soon. Oh man, it was hard not to buy lots of stuff. There are so many cute things out there. And now, with spring and summer on the way, so many cute dresses for girls, and outfits for boys :) I love sailboats, and am starting to see several lines with sailboats. It's hard to resist buying them :) But I was good, and very focused. I 'daydreamed' a bit, but only bought what I needed to purchase.

My friend has a daughter!

My friend K's (katd) daughter was born today. Her birthmother had her this morning. It's been an emotional and wonderful day for K and her husband, and I am so excited for them!

Received our check in email today

Well, we received our check in email today.

It basically said, Happy Spring, hope you are enjoying the weather. We can call in for our check ins if we want (we typically do email because it's often hard to get ahold of them by phone). And she asked if we had any questions or concerns (well, it's kind of hard to vocalize them, since they can't answer them anyway....)

Then, she said she liked the changes we made to our profiles (last Dec) and that they are sharing them with birthmothers who match our preferences. She suggested we revisit our Welcome binder and take a look at the "recommended reading". We've actually read most of it already.

Lastly, she said they will continue to present our profile (and we got the usual- none needed at this time) and we go from there.

Well, I guess that's it for this month. Nothing new to report.

9 months

We hit 9 months since being contracted out today. 9 months. If we'd found out we were pregnant that date, we'd have a baby by now. But no. We're still in the unknown stage. Who knows how long it's going to be for us. We're "paper pregnant". Major difference between paper pregnancy and a physical one is that most of the time you know the general outcome and timeline of a phyisical pregnancy. But for us, who knows? Ah, well, what can we do?

Focus on the postive. Get some rest. And relax and enjoy our time together before our lives change forever, I guess.

glad it's a busy week

So glad it's a busy week for us. It keeps us from thinking about Thursday. Thursday is the 29th, and the day of our monthly check in. We know what they are going to say, but still, we look forward to it. We also dread it, because we know what they are going to say "we have plenty of profiles, thanks - talk to you next month!". The 29th will be 9 months since contracted out for us. So, we're past the normal "pregnancy" and still waiting... I guess our "gestation" is going to just be a bit longer than the norm. Ah, well. Enough thinking about it, time to get stuff done!

Productive day

Well, today was a pretty productive day. My friend called last night, asking if I could watch her little one today. She brought her over about 930, little one was so tired after a little snuggle she fell asleep and I put her to sleep in the crib. After about an hour nap or so, she was up and ready to play. So she and I played in the nursery. I brought in lots of toys, and put up the baby gate. I worked on organizing the closet, and she kept me company. She loved to help me too, especially with the plastic kids coat hangers. We had fun, read a couple books, and got stuff done.

The closet is (almost) all organized. I pulled out the onsies and single tops and bottoms. I matched up what I could, and put them back in the closet. Then, the onesies and unmatched stuff I organized in the dresser. For the clothes in the closet, everything is organized by size. Then, sleepers in the front, boy clothes, then girl clothes. In doing all this, I realized we have a good basic beginning for 3 and 6 month clothes, but almost nothing in newborn and 9 month. I'll keep that in the back of my mind for future use :) We shop sales, and are always looking for good deals. If we come upon one, we take advantage of it, and stock up some. That way, we have clothes for an insta match situation. At least enough clothes for a week or so until we can go shopping!

Mike and I went to Hobby Lobby in search of some pictures. We didn't find any frames we liked, but we did find two pictures (one is the night time prayer, the other a cruise ship) that will go nicely in the room. We are not painting the walls of the room, but rather putting up pictures - mostly of boats. I also showed him the letters I like. When we are finally matched up, and know what we are having, my mom will paint some letters to hang over the crib- in between the two sailboat pictures she has already painted. Obviously we are not doing that yet ;)

Anyway, tonight we are going to throw some steaks on the grill, make some baked potatoes, and have a nice dinner. It's beautiful weather, perfect for grilling out. And what a wonderful way to spend the evening.

Another friend got matched today :)

Woohoo!

I am so excited for her. Her little girl is being induced APRIL 2nd. Wow, talk about fast :) That's fantastic news :)

So, three of my friends were matched in the last month, and all three are going to be mommies to little girls within a month and a half of each other. How fantastic is that?

I'm bouncing off the walls, I'm so excited for them!

Great news for my friends

I was chatting online with a friend of mine who lives in California. They talked to a birthmother today, and were matched! That makes 2 of my friends who are using the same adoption facilitator as us who have been matched this month.

One other found her own birth mother through networking. And they thought it might be twins. Turns out, it's triplets! Wow, she'll be busy!

I am so excited for my friends. They are all going to be awesome parents :)

Nothing new to report for us. We're starting to network a bit. We figure it can't hurt. We plan on eventually having two or three children, so we might as well start networking now. You never know how are where you are going to be matched up with a birthparent. Who knows how many of our little ones will be matched up through our agency, and how many are matched through networking. We're prepared for any and all situations. We've got a great adoption lawyer and a home study. Everything but a match. They'll come eventually :)

Emotions

Adoption is a roller coaster, that's for sure.

Lately, I've been watching shows on discovery health - adoption stories and a few others. So sweet to hear other people's stories, yet so hard, it brings a tear to your eyes.

We can't wait to be one of those happy families.

We will say, it's nice to spend alone time, just the two of us. We are taking advantage of those "selfish" times, enjoying the moment of just us. Doing things like going out to dinner, sleeping in, just hanging out, things we won't be able to do quite as much when kids are in the picture.

But still, we welcome the challenge, want to be parents so bad that it hurts. Wondering why no one picks us. Sometimes we have to close the door to the nursery, not look at the tiny clothes that are waiting for a baby. The changing table, all ready to go. Diapers, wipes, blankets, everything waiting for a little one.

And stores. Baby things, baby stores, baby clothing. How can you miss a baby sale? Such cute little things in the baby section. It's so hard sometimes to go to the store, and avoid the baby section- be it clothing or supplies. We can't wait to shop there, buying stuff for our little one(s).

The ride sure is interesting.

relationships take work

We are very fortunate. Often times couples who go through infertility and/or adoption experience a more challenging relationship. Fights, arguments, blame as to who might be the problem, or what the problem is, what is causing it to take so long, etc. Lucky for us, we've never had any problems at all. We both realize what is happening, and what needs to happen. And as a team we work together to build our family. Has it been easy? No. But we never let the struggle to build our family interfere with our relationship. And for that, we are much happier. And, we know that our little ones will grow up in a strong and happy household.

This also applies to friends, family, loved ones. And it works both ways. Don't be afraid to share your good news, share your TTC efforts, pregnancy,etc. with those who are adopting or experiencing IF issues. Sure, we are struggling to build our family, but we love being involved, hearing good news about yours. We feel sad when we don't know, or don't find out about something that's been going on in your life. We appreciate everyone who treats our relationship normally, sharing their excitement in their pregnancies, births, etc. It actually means more to us than you can possible believe. It even in some ways makes us feel normal.

Now, I know that we don't necessarily represent all those who are struggling with IF or those who are building their family through adoption, but that's how we feel. And I bet there are others out there too who feel the way we do....

So neat to hear

It's truly wonderful to hear people's stories about how adoption has touched their lives. When people find out you are adopting, those that can relate hapily tell you about their experiences. Most of us, if not touched by adoption directly do know someone, a friend or family member, who has an adoption story to share.

Recently I went out of state for a meeting, and met a wonderful lady who shared her story. They did fostering for a while (I truly admire the folks who do that), and keep in touch with some of the children they fostered. After one left their house (he'd been with them for a couple years I believe) their daughter entered their lives. I saw a picture of both the boy and the girl, and they are absolutely precious.

A friend and I were in a craft store, shopping for scrapbook paper and for baby shower invitations for a friend of ours. As we were checking out, making small talk, somehow we must have said something about adoption. Our cashier told us that she'd been adopted from Korea when she was a little girl. It was very interesting talking with her.

And often I hear birthmother stories as well. As we started this journey, several folks who had been touched by adoption from the birthparent side (either themselves or relatives of theirs) approached us. It's been wonderful chatting with them, and in fact we've sometimes shared our profile, website, etc for feedback from them.

The stories go on and on. It's wonderful to hear people's experiences, and to realize that quite a few people have been touched by the joys of adoption.

Adoption Songs

My newest project, to find adoption songs. This is actually going to be part one in a series of posts, as I find some more songs :)

I'll start with a mix I found on the Adoptive Families magazine website. It is a mix that the magazine put together, and has songs written by folks who have been touched by adoption, and is available on iTunes (It's called, "The Beat of Love, from Adoptive Families"). Many of these particular tunes are folk music type (with a few surprises) but there are several different kinds of songs out there. I need to look into purchasing some of them...

A few notes on songs from the mix:

When Love Takes You In, written by Steven Curtis Chapman, who has a daughter adopted from China: 1 Jn 3: 1; Jn 14: 18; Psalm 68: 5-6. "...And somewhere while you're sleeping, Someone else is dreaming too, Counting down the days until, They hold you close and say I love you..."


This is Home, co written and sung by Lucy Kaplansky, is an intimate reflection on welcoming their daughter into their family.


Happy Adoption Day by John McCutcheon. "...There are those who think families happen by chance, A mystery their whole life through, But we had a voice and we had a choice, We were working and waiting for you..."


Just Like Me by Darryl McDaniels (who didn't learn he was adopted until he was 35) and Sarah McLachlan (who is also adopted) samples "The Cats in the Cradle" and turns it into a message of hope.

Ask Me Anything, is written and performed by Chuck Kent, father of two children adopted from China. It's from his album "Same/Same" which contains 11 original songs about adoption.

Love Takes the Best of You and Long Night Moon by Catie Curtis are both written during her experiences with adoption. She wrote Love Takes the Best of You while awaiting the adoption of her sister from Cambodia. Long Night Moon was written as she waited to bring her own daughter home from China.

Volunteering

One thing that was suggested to us, as we wait, is to volunteer. It's a little difficult to volunteer at the adoption center, but there are other ways that we can do it. So, we are looking into it, seeing what we can do.

Our facilitation center works with families and birthmothers across the US. One thing they have suggested is for us to locate contact information for individual organizations, such as health & abortion clinics, physicians offices, hospitals, college health clinics, shelters, continuation schools, and other potential locations in which birthmothers might seek services.

Then, they will send out information about adoption, Lifetime's services, etc. Including brochures and the magazine, and other tools to help educate professionals about Lifetime and it's support for birthparents.

One thing I do know is how to research like that. I did it with my former job, and am kind of doing that with my direct sales business. I figure it can't hurt to help out.... and who knows, we might find a birthparent in the process....

Revised our website

To be proactive, we revised our website a bit. We went ahead and paid for hosting, so there are no more ads on there. We also added more pictures, and changed up the wording about us. It can be found at www.MikeAndLizAdopt.com . As always, it's a work in progress, but it gives a lot of information about us.

Networking

One of the important things to do is network. Get the word out that we are adopting. Make business cards, spread the word. I am in a yahoo group with others who are also working with the same facilitator as us. One girl is very active in networking, and has given us some info about some yahoo groups to join. I think we are going to look into it and see what we can find. You have to be careful though, as sometimes there are scam artists out there. That's why it's good to have an adoption lawyer (which we have) to help ensure that all will go ok.

We found out about one situation, it sounded very interesting for us. We'd be perfect for them, and the situation was perfect for us. So, I sent an email to the birthmother. Unfortunately, she probably got at least 200o emails in a very short time period, so she probably didn't see our email. Hopefully she will see it though, and consider us to parent her child.

We've heard of a few other situations before, but nothing has worked out yet. We do have extra profiles, so if anyone ever hears of a situation, let us know and we can pass on a profile to you.

You never know what will happen. We really appreciate everyone's thoughts and prayers, and for thinking of us when you hear of a situation.

Happy Birthday Mike

Today is Mike's birthday :)

Pray, hope and don't worry

Pray, hope and don't worry. Anxiety doesn't help at all. Our Merciful Lord will listen to your prayer.--- Saint Padre Pio

So important, for many different circumstances. We can apply this to a waiting family as well. Sometimes we get so anxious, wondering when it's going to happen. Then we stress about it, worry about it. And then feel bad because nothing has happened yet.

The best thing to do is to relax, though it's not always easy to do. Pray about it, and hope that something is going to happen soon. But don't stress or worry. Eventually something is going to happen, and our family will grow.

But for now, it's time to relax, enjoy. Relish the quiet time spent together. Sleep in. Work on scrapbooks and read books and magazines. Clean and organize the house. And take time to hope and pray a little bit each day. Eventually, when the timing is right, our prayers will be answered.

Though this is much easier said than done. Some days are better than others. Sometimes tears flow due to stress, worry, wondering. Knots in the stomach, feeling phyiscally ill. It feels like things are not happening as they should, why haven't they happened yet? Why is it taking so long, why isn't anyone looking at us? All those questions and anxieties...

In the end, it's hard to give up the control. We can't determine when a birthparent will look at us. Will deem us fit to parent a child or two. It's hard knowing that building your family is beyond your control. All you can do is hope and pray that the right birthparent will see our profile, or learn of us, and decide we are what they are looking for.

The best we can do is to relax, realize it is out of our control. And know that someday our hopes and prayers will be answered.

8 months

Well, we are at 8 months now. If we were pregnant, we'd most likely know if we were having a boy or a girl. We'd have the nursery all done. Bottles, diapers, clothes, all ready to be used. We'd be getting bags ready for "when it's time" to head to the hospital. We'd know that shortly we'd be bringing a baby home and into our lives. We'd be ready, prepared, and know what we were getting into, when it would happen (or at least a pretty good idea). But no. We don't know, know just as little now as we did when we started. Who knows when it's going to happen for us? It could be any time. Then, we'll scramble to get the bags together, the last minute things we need. Bottles, formula, diapers, etc.

We had our check in this week. Nothing new to report. They don't need any more profiles. So we leave it at that, and check in next month.

Adoption Stories

I just discovered a show on the Discovery Health Channel. It's called Adoption Stories. Similar to A Baby Story or Birth Day, but it focuses on the adopting family. Occasionally A Baby Story will do a show on adoption, but it is rare. So, it's nice to see a show that focuses just on adoption. From the few shows I have seen, it appears to focus on international adoption as opposed to domestic adoption. It also shows birthparents, and often shows the meetings between birthparents and adoptive parents. It's been very interesting so far...

Excited for our friends

A friend of ours (actually, the friend who told us about our facilition center) emailed me earlier today- they got the call that a birthmother wanted to speak to them. And, they were the birthmother's #1 pick. She emailed me back a bit later, and they are matched! I am so excited for them! Their baby to be is due in May. Wow, it really does happen fast :)

Dr Phil, adoption scams

Dr Phil did a show about Adoption Scams today.

I did not watch it, I knew what it was going to be about. But I will say that is the #1 reason for working with an agency or facilitator that is reputable. Some people skip that step to do it on their own, and unfortunately scams like this happen :( Some people are cruel to prey on those who have gone through so much emotionally. There are a few bad people like that out there that give adoption a bad name.

Decorating the Nursery

We added a few new wall decorations to the nursery, so I thought I'd share...



The wall plaque says "I am a dream come true". Oh my, how true that is....





My mom painted these sailboat pictures for us. We'll put our little one's name in between the pictures, over the crib.





These sailboat hooks match perfectly! You can see how clothes are accumulating in the closet- we want to be prepared when our little one arrives :)

understanding

On one message board I am on, there was a poll: What will you do if you can't have kids?

and the answers...

"Just adopt"
"If we can't have kids, it wasn't meant to be, we'll travel the world"
"we'll be the funnest aunt and uncle out there"
"if all else fails, we'll adopt"


These are the same people who act as if those adoptive parents "gave up". A few of those folks said things like "adopted kids are going to be screwed up- that it's genetic- there is something wrong with them."


It never ceases to amaze me how some people (not all, and fortunately not any in my close circle of friends and family) view adoption. I feel bad for those who are close minded enough not to learn more about what a wonderful option it is. I'll admit, we had a slight clue (we were considering adopting at least one child), so we didn't go into it totally blind. But wow, there is so much mis- information or negative perceptions out there. And the die hard IF people appear to look down on or judge those who choose to adopt. For some people, they choose adoption as their first choice. Not everyone adopts because they have fertility issues.


I was discussing it on another chat board with a girl who is adopted. She is in the process of now going through adoption herself. She said that she's heard it all, and being an adopted child, people don't realize how hurtful they can be. She said she is blessed to know adoption first hand, and that those prejudices and biases have never even been a part of her thought process.


Not every birthparent out there is horrible, messed up, or suffering mental problems. There are many out there who want a better life for their child. Something they cannot provide. What's so wrong with that? I admire the person who recognizes this, and does what is best for all involved. Unfortunately though, most often it's the negative stuff you hear regarding terminating parental rights.


The girl I was chatting with, she and her brother, a cousin, and a good friend were all adopted. And they all turned out perfectly fine. They went to good colleges, and are very succesful in their lives. This is typically the norm, you just don't hear about it as much.


As she, and a few other "adoptive parents" friends of mine all agree, our role is to be an educator, a teacher. As adoptive parents we will be advocating for change and education for the rest of our lives...


We are very fortunate in that those in our close circle of real life friends and family are very open to adoption, and very excited to see our family grow :)


Now, if we would only get the call...... ;)

Sometimes you need a baby fix

Waiting can be hard. We're so ready- just bring on the baby! We have names picked out, we have furniture, clothes, etc. All we need is the kiddo (s).

We were fortunate enough to see our nieces today, and get our baby fix. One is 4 months today, the other is 14 months today. Ah, so nice to hold those babies, play with them... enjoy them and see their smiles. They really have great personalities, and always smile when they see us.

We had a difficult task to do today. My dad and aunts have been sorting through my grandmother's house. Splitting up everything. Deciding who should get what and where it should go. My sisters each brought their daughters, and Mike and I met them and my aunts in the house. It was the first time I'd been in the house since the funeral. And it was something I needed to do. It sure did help to have the babies there. They really helped us a lot. Mike spent time with the older one while the "girls" except for the older niece all toured the house, sharing memories, looking at things. I held the little one, and that really helped me a lot. Being slightly distracted helped me get through it better.

Then we all went out to dinner. I had older baby duty, got to sit next to her, and keep her entertained while we ate. She is so much fun :) The both are. Seeing the grins on their faces, when we talk to them, hold them, smile at them, it really gives you a great feeling. They have wonderful personalities.

And we got our baby fix for a day or two :)

Fortunately, I have lots of friends with babies, and two nieces and two nephews, so we have plenty of kiddos around when we need a baby fix.

Our blog got referenced

Our blog got referenced in www.alittlepregnant.com yesterday. It's in the comments section - posted by Carol at Feb 16, 2007 3:44:11 PM.

It's the first "here". And yeah, of course one cheesy person posted some not so great stuff in the comment of my blog after that, but what do you expect- there really are all kinds of people out there..... Some intended to start more of a debate, or said some not so nice things as well, not exactly what I was going for there...

And, most likely they don't know (or haven't bothered to learn) the struggles that we went through with infertility. But we've moved on, and are in a great place for us.

As another commenter, "Andrea" on another blog said "I know cardinal rule No. 1 of commenting on blogs is to remember that this is someone's blog -- someone who has all the rights in the world to say whatever he/she damn well pleases." Obviously not everyone follows that logic ;)

weekend plans

Today and tomorrow are the Annual Valentine Cookie Decorating party. It's gotten so big, I throw them on both Sat and Sun now :)

Our nephew is going to come over and spend the night. He is coming for the cookie party today, and then will spend tonight and tomorrow night. He's going to be my cookie decorating expert for Sunday's party :)

We put a few things up on the wall in the nursery. I'll take pictures and post them tonight or tomorrow. We have a ways to go decorating wise, but it's a start :)

holding pattern

Well, nothing new to report here. We're just waiting, waiting, waiting. We have some friends coming over this weekend for a Valentine cookie deocrating party, and one of our nephews is going to spend the weekend here. I am hoping to maybe get some stuff up on the walls in the nursery. We'll see...

new website profile

When we revised our profiles, we were told that we could change up our online portion too. We were a little delayed in it, but we did get it done last week. Apparently you only can change it when you revise your profile, otherwise you have to pay for any changes to the site.

You can see our changes here.

Our thumbnail section wasn't changed. We didn't have guidelines for it, and apparently what we sent in was too similar to the old one, and above the word limit, so that didn't get changed. Oh well, maybe next time our profiles are reworked we can get it changed.

We are pleased though. We finished it and emailed it in late last week. They updated it and posted it today :)

Caught in the act

Precious has found a new place to catnap....


I went in to put something in the nursery, and was surprised to see her there. That's new for her, we guess she is making sure it's nice and comfy for when our little one arrives ;)

time goes by

Nothing new to report around here lately. We received an email back from our coordinator- they don't need any more profiles. They are all set with our contact numbers. Nothing new to report, talk to you next month. Ah, well.

We need to tweak the online portion of our website. They offered us the opportunity to change it if we want, so we might as well see what we can do. I guess that will be our next project.

We'd also like to possibly put some pictures up on the wall of the nursery this weekend. Do a little work in there, see what we can do. There really isn't too much we can do now, just sit and wait, but a little decorating might be theraputic.

We've both been fighting colds this week. I guess the flu shot didn't work this year. I've been sick more in the months of Dec, Jan, and now Feb than I have in a long time.....

Seven Months

We hit seven months being contracted out today. We emailed in our monthly check in, but haven't heard anything yet. I guess we just wait and see. We made sure that all our contact numbers were there, that they have friend and family numbers as well. We want to be reachable when the timing is right :)

another teleconference

We were invited to participate in another teleconference this week. It was interesting, some of the families were newly contracted, others had been around a while. They told us of some of the new and exciting things they are doing to help our process. One thing was a new website they've worked on. It's www.statebystateadoption.com . When you go on that site, they have one for each state. We are on the www.texasadoptivefamilies.com site. It's nice that our facilitating center is working hard to promote their families. They also suggested we write an article about a hobby, interest, or other characteristic that makes our family unique. They often put those on some of their marketing websites. So, we are going to see what we can come up with.

Fun weekend

We are getting a little parenting practice in this weekend. Our niece (she's 1) is here to visit. Some friends and I had a "babies on the brain, in the belly and on the hip" get together. We meet about once a month to visit, play with the babies, and socialize. Both my sisters came, bringing both my nieces and one of my nephews. The one year old niece came home with me, and is visiting for the weekend.

Mike did a great job adjusting the crib to it's lowest setting. We babyproofed the major rooms in the house (I'm sure she'll show us what else needs to be done ;) ). We're both having fun with her, she is such a sweetie pie. We took her out to dinner tonight, and she charmed everybody, customers and waiters alike.

We are going to have a busy day tomorrow, and she'll go home on Monday.

Starbucks, "The Way I See It"

Starbucks has started a campaign to get people talking. "The Way I See It" is a collection of thoughts, opinions, expressions, all printed on the Starbucks cups. Some quotes come from notable figures, some from customers.

I belong to a board that I joined a year ago, back when we were trying to conceive. It's for folks who are going through infertility issues, and have been trying 6 months plus. There are a few of us who have moved on to adoption, others who are still facing treatments. It's interesting to see how and what people will do to build their family, as well as how they view others.

We are completely comfortable with the path our family is following. We know it is the right way for us. Unfortunately for some of the folks on the board, they think that a biological child is the only way to build a family. They become bitter when it's not happening for them, and when treatments don't work. They also judge others who are seeking alternatives to building their families.


Anyway, back to Starbucks. One of the girls and her husband recently went to Starbucks, and got one of the cups with the quotes on it. This is the quote that was on her husband's cup:

"The Way I See It #208
I wish couples who desperately take every means to concieve a child would realize that adoption is a wonderful alternative. A child who becomes your child through adoption completes a family. Just as when you commit to your spouse or partner there are no biological ties, yet a family was formed. This child enters a family the same way! It is not blood and flesh that form a family, but the heart.
--Michele Johnson
Starbucks customer
from amego, Kansas."

Wow, did that cause a ruckus on the board. Many of the people on the board said that she was being judgemental. They called for a boycott of Starbucks. They started a letter writing campaign to complain about the quote on the cup.

Well, wasn't that the whole purpose of the program? To initiate conversation? I think they did a good job in getting conversation to flow.

I honestly am not offended by the comment, I thought it was well written. From the way I read it, "Michelle" was stating that adoption is a wonderful option, as it is. She wasn't telling them to stop trying to concieve, or to stop their treatments. She was just stating her opinion.

I applaud Starbucks for starting this program, and hope that they don't drop it.

We did our audio

We just recorded our audio tonight. Here is what we finally ended up with:


Mike: Howdy from Texas!

Elizabeth: We’re Mike and Elizabeth and we’re excited to be building our family through adoption. We can’t wait to become parents and embrace our child, raising him or her with values, goals, and family traditions.

Mike: We love to travel and we typically spend at least one weekend each month at our family home in the Texas Hill Country, most often surrounded by lots of cousins and extended family. As children we both spent many weekends and summers on road trips with our families, exploring and creating many fond memories together. We can’t wait to continue that tradition with our children. We look forward to building a life with our children that’s full of fun, respect, love, education and travel.

Elizabeth: Our town is a friendly one and located halfway between a major city and the beach. We enjoy sailing and walking along the shore as well as picnics and flying kites. In the city, we love to spend our days at the zoo, sightseeing, or shopping.

Mike:We want you to know how much we would care for, love, and treasure your child. We’d love to talk with you and learn what your interests and goals are. If you want to contact us please call Lifetime anytime. Thank you and God bless!

shopping today

We picked up an infant carrier today. We went and looked at several of them at Babies R Us tonight, and liked this one best. Mike was particularly fond of the Z shaped handle, and how it is easy to carry. We tried several different ones, with various handles, and felt this was the most useful for us. We also had checked safety standards, and knew that this one was a good one. Of course, the $10 off coupon we had made it that much of a better deal. We had a two gift cards to Babies R Us (they always come in handy!), so we used that to apply toward the purchase of the infant carrier as well. We plan to eventually get another base (they are also sold on their own) so that we can keep one in both of our cars.


While we were there, we took a look at the bassinets too. We are still considering if we will need one or not, as we are not sure if we are going to start our little one immediately in the nursery or in our room for the first few months or so. We have always liked the Eddie Bauer wooden one, but not the fact that the only one available was light wood. Well, much to our surprise, tonight we saw they had it in a darker wood, that matches our high chair! I am so glad they have it in that color. They don't have it online at Babies R Us yet, just in the store. But they do have it online at Target.

Sales

Sales are always good.

We received some coupons from Babies R Us. They are "Take an extra 15% off every clearance baby gear item" and "Save $10 on every car seat". We had other coupons too, but I gave them to a friend of ours- we already had the items that they were good for, or are not planning on getting the items they were good for.

So, we are going to go look at infant car seats. We were thinking originally of not getting an infant car seat, but now have decided it would probably be a good idea. Chances are very likely that we will end up with a little one who will need it. Worst case, we won't take it out of the box and we can eBay it if we never use it. But we figured, better safe than having to purchase it last minute! So, we are going to go look at them one day this week after work.

Audio

When working on our profile, the profile coordinator asked us if we wanted to add audio to our lifetime webpage. Of course we said sure, we'd like to do it.

But, how do you put your whole life, etc into a minute? This should be interesting. And it's hard! We are also trying not to make it sound like a personal ad ;) though in a way, I guess it is....

We have to type up a script and have them approve it. Then they'll give us the number to call in and record it.

You can see an example of what they want us to do by clicking on here and looking at the people who have "Includes Audio Message" by their name.

Interesting fact

You hear a lot about international adoptions, especially when celebrities and famous people adopt (they tend to adopt overseas). But it's interesting to see the true facts.

In an article in Adoptive Families Magazine (Dec 2006), I found the following:

International adoptions make the news, but the annual number of infants adopted domestically (excluding foster and relative adoption) is estimated to be between 25000 and 30000 - more than all international adoptions combined.

A thought shared by a friend

A friend posted this on a website (she had received it in an email), and it really does ring true for everyone. It's a good reminder to stop, smell the roses, and be happy at this point in your life. One of our goals this year is to enjoy life as it is until we get the call that a little one is about to enter our life. Right now is the time for us, and we plan on enjoying it as much as we can.

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough and we'll be more content when they are. After that we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage, when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice vacation, when we retire.

The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now.

Your life will always be filled with challenges. It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway. One of my favorite quotes comes from Alfred D Souza. He said, 'For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.'

This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.

So, treasure every moment that you have.

Stop waiting until you finish school, until you go back to school, until you lose ten pounds, until you gain ten pounds, until you have kids, until your kids leave the house, until you start work, until you retire, until you get married, until you get divorced, until Friday night, until Sunday morning, until you get a new car or home, until your car or home is paid off, until spring, until summer, until fall, until winter, until you are off welfare, until the first or fifteenth, until your song comes on, until you've had a drink, until you've sobered up, until you die, until you are born again to decide that there is no better time than right now to be happy stop waiting start today.

Celebrate adoption month by month: January

There is a magazine we like to read, Adoptive Families. In fact, we need to get a subscription to it, because it's hard to find in the book stores. Surprisingly, it's hard to find any adoptive magazines in bookstores. Believe me, we've looked. The book section (particularly geared toward children) is also a bit light.

Anyway, Adoptive Families magazine had a pull out in their Dec issue to Celebrate Adoption month by month. So, I'll post it each month :)


For January: Lean on Me: make a special effort to help someone who is warming up to the idea of adopting. If you're already a parent, tell them about the highs, the lows, the intense moments, the unforgettable ones. Tell them why you'd do it all again.

Happy New Year!

Well, it's the start of a new year. New beginnings. We are so excited, we hope that *this* year we will expand our family by one or two members. We can't wait :)

6 months

Well, he hit the 6 month mark being contracted out. It's been an interesting six months so far...

Our second round of profiles are done

Well, we finished the second round of profiles. So, they will be shipped to the facilitator tomorrow, to get there sometime in the new year. We really do like them, and sure hope they grab attention and make us get noticed.

We used bright colors, and set it up like a scrapbook. It's easy to read, and we tossed in some great pictures.

In honor

A year ago, we lost a very special person. Grandmommy passed away Dec 26, 2005. We miss her a lot. We are very sad that she never got to meet our children, she loved the little ones. She always wanted her great grand kids to have wooden high chairs, and that was what she always bought them. So, when we contracted out with our facilitator, we went and bought a wooden high chair in her honor. It wouldn't have been right as a gift from anyone else. We've been thinking a lot about her today, and how much we miss her, but know that she is with grandaddy now, and is smiling down on us.

Merry Christmas

Mike and I would like to take this time to say Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all who are following along our journey.

We hope everyone has a wonderful holiday season.

catching up

Well, we've been MIA because we've been sick this week. Our little niece celebrated her first birthday by giving us a stomach virus ;) Both of us were still a little weak from being sick earlier this month, so it hit us bad. We are finally starting to feel better :)

We also finished our profile. We went to proof it today, and it should be ready for us on Tuesday. It looks good, and we are going to look for some ribbon for it tomorrow. We'll pick it up on Tuesday, assemble it, and hopefully get it mailed out.

The Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption's Home for the Holidays show was on tonight. It was very good, and very inspiring.

Holidays

Well, we fully plan to be home for the holidays, but we are prepared to go if we need to. We typically spend Christmas Eve with Mike's family, then go home and spend the night at our house. Christmas morning is our time, a tradition we hope to continue where Santa gets to come to our house on Christmas morning. It's our family time. Then, Christmas Day we will spend with Elizabeth's family. We are looking forward to it.

Of course, everything could change, and we could be spending Christmas at a hotel room who knows where :)

You never know :)

Positive Adoption Language

This is taken from our Lifetime family notebook:

The way we talk- and the words we choose - say a lot about what we think and value. When we use positive adoption language, we say that adoption is a way to build a family just as birth is. Both are important, but one is not more important than the other. Choose the following postive language instead of negative language that perpetuates the myth that adoption is second best. By using positive adoption language, you'll reflect the true nature of adoption, free of innuendo.

Positive Language - Negative Language
Birthparent - Real Parent, Natural Parent
Biological parent - Natural Parent
Biological father - Begetter
Parent - Adoptive parent
Birthchild - Own child
My child -My adopted child, my own child
Child with special needs - Hard to place child, handicapped
Child from abroad - Foreign child
Was adopted - Is adopted
Make an adoption plan, choose adoption - Give up, give away, surrender, relinquish, place the child
Child entrusted to adoptive parents - Child placed for adoption, unwanted child
To parent - To keep
Born to unmarried parents - Illegitimate
Waiting child - Adoptable child, free child, available child
International adoption - Foreign adoption
Adoption triad - Adoption triangle
Permission to sign a release - Disclosure
Search,locate - Track down parents
Making contact with - Reunion
Terminate parental rights - Give up

profile revisions so far

Well, we sent in our profile revisions, and already got back a response. We'll have more of a response later, but it's a start.


Hi Elizabeth,

Thank you for submitting your profile changes. Please allow me a chance to compare them to your current version. I also wonder if you are interested in considering a new cover photo. Some families find that it can be helpful to try a new look when they haven’t seen the response they were hoping for on their first profile look. It’s a fine line because making revisions to your profile doesn’t mean that your first version was wrong, bad, or not working. In fact I’ve worked with several families who had good profiles and just wanted to try something new and to keep their profile updated. Many families feel that making updates and changes to their profile can help them feel proactive in their adoption plan.

I know you understand what an important tool your profile is; your profile is also one of the few things you can actually control with your adoption. When I look through our file with your original cover photos I notice a lot of similar photos and poses. It might be a great opportunity to take some new professional outdoor photos for your revision. I understand this time of year can be hectic but it is well worth the time to try something new.

One thing I recommend for your professional photo is wearing some color; the colors worn in your current cover photo are very similar to your skin tones and I want your faces come across as bright and warm as they really are in your photo. Also I recommend wearing fabrics that have a little more structure to them, such as a button up collared shirt for Mike and a blouse or shirt and jacket for you. You don’t have to look formal, just a little different than your everyday wear. Seeing the eyes of the adoptive couples is very important to birth mothers; wearing colors that show off your sparkling eyes can help. Consider darker colors in reds, blues, deep burgundy, or warm chocolate colors.

I look forward to working with you on any revisions to your profile. Please feel free to let me know if you have any questions.

So, it sounds like we need to do some more cover photos.... and we look forward to seeing what other suggestions are given to us.

new profile

We worked really hard, delayed some other stuff, but finished the profile revisions today. They got sent in to the new profile coordinator, and hopefully she will be able to check them out and give us some feedback. If they work out well, we will hopefully be able to print them and have them sent in soon. We'd like to have them in by Christmas (if not earlier) if possible....

starting late for Christmas

We've both been sick with colds. First Mike had it, then Elizabeth. So much fun. So we are a bit delayed in getting our act together for Christmas. Good thing we have the extra week!

When Mike was sick, I put the lights outside. We are not hanging any from the house this year, but we did hang some from the two trees in our front yard. We also put up cute ones that stay on the ground- they are around our flower bed. I hung snowflake lights in the office window- they blink :)

Today, Mike put up the Christmas tree. I was test driving cookies for our cookie party this weekend. It's going to be a lot of fun, but I have a TON of cookies to bake. It's a lot of fun to have everyone come and decorate, and a lot of fun to see all the kids!

I need to get cracking on our Christmas cards too. And I plan on decorating the tree as I am making the cookies for the cookie party later this week. Lots going on! I love this time of year!

a holiday blurb

On the last conference call we were asked to write a little blurb about the holidays as well as another about just general family life.

This is what we sent in, a blurb from Mike about the holiday season:

One thing I love about Christmas season is our cookie decorating party. Elizabeth makes hundreds of sugar cookies, and we invite the neighbors, all our friends, and all the kids to come to our house and decorate them. It's lots of fun to visit with everyone, and we all look forward to it every year. We can't wait to have our children participate too.